Funny girl!

Jon and Kate, Thank you!!

The noise, the whinning, the constant chaos. That is motherhood! From the moment I wake up to the time I go to bed (and sometimes, in the darkness of the inbetween time), I am running and working. I once told my dad that I proboly couldn't tell you what I do exactly in the course of one day, but I know for sure that I don't get a chance to sit down. And I only have two kids. I love the TLC show Jon and Kate plus eight. Kate is my parenting guru. I am not organized, creative, or clean. (I can't for the life of me keep up on housework. I am clean, just not put away) I don't honestly know how she does it. I really think that we are given all what we can handle. I definatly could not handle six-three year olds. I can barley handle one! Chad and I were watching an episode last night where all eight of there kids were whinning at the exact same time. All I could do is laugh. It made me feel so much better about my life! Lauren may whine (and she is a champion whiner. I say, go with your talent. And she definatly has a talent for it!) but I only have one. I don't get it from all sides. So here is a shout out to Kate, and for that matter, all the mothers of toddlers out there. I feel your pain and I know your struggles. We are not alone. Motherhood is not and easy job. But look at the rewards. If you are feeling not so hot, maybe like you are stuck in a perpetual grounds hog day senerio, take a good look at your kids. Weather they are playing, sleeping, or fighting. You made that little monster! They have your eyes, your smile, your hair, your heart. I want a pause button on life so badly. I want to slow down this magical time with Lauren and Evan. I want them to cry over dumb things and cry loundly at that. One day there tears will come for more heartbraking reasons. So cry on my little ones. Because like that Country song reminds us, your gonna miss this.

Butterfly Kisses

Everyone know about my "Mommy Dearest" issues. Today has been hard for some reason. Somedays are. I am not sure what makes one day harder then the next. I don't understand what the causes are for our problems, and days like this I always look back on the past three years and think to myself, what could I have done to change the course that we now follow. Was there a small moment that could have fix everything that I missed. I know that I blog about this alot, but it is my therapy. I can't afford a shrink, but the internet is within my budget. I could easily just wallow in my own self-pity. And if I were being completly honest, I would have to admit that I did my fair share of wallowing today. One thing that always cheers me up is the smile on my children's faces. So to break out of the funk of a mood I let myself fall into, I decided to go through some family pictures. Then I saw some of my Daddy. My Dad is my silver lining. He is always there, always understanding, and always keeping me from feeling like an orphan. I have always been a Daddy's girl. He is wise and gentle, strong and steady. He is an overgrown teddy bear. When my mom banished Chad from the family, my Dad would still come visit. I am blessed because some people have lost both parents for one reason or the other, but I still have my daddy. I love you dad, and no matter how old I get, I will always be your little girl.

Repunzal, let down thy golden tresses...

I almost always take the time to do Lauren's hair everyday in some sort of up-do. She is such a little Diva, we need a hairstyle to fit the persona. People ask all the time how long her hair is now. So I thought that I would show everyone. I am nervous to cut her hair because I am afraid that her cute little baby curls at the bottom won't grow back. She in almost four years, she has necer had a haircut. I think I will cry the first time I will be forced to cut her hair.

Thank you, I will be here all week!!

LAUREN: My little blonde Fancy Nancy. She prances around the house with a song dancing off her lips. She grandly enters the room every five minutes in a diffrent princess outfit. She watchs out for her little brother and crys when she thinks he is hurt. She terrorizes the poor cats by using them as pillows. And she chases Radley around the house trying to give the poor dog a make over. She demands to be read to and messes up her room 5 minutes after it has been cleaned. Her heart is so pure and she loves so honestly. She is the best of me and I am in awe of her goodness on a daily basis.
Evan: He is a cuddler. His smile is so quick and genuine. His laugh starts out deep in his belly and scatters like chimes into the room. You can't help but being affected by its magical sound and add your laughter to it too. His dimples and rolls are full of love. And I get to hold that buddle full of love anytime I want to. I see Chad in his eyes and myself in his smile. He is a mirror of all that Chad and I are.
They are my life made from my love for Chad. They breath and laugh and love and sing and sigh, all because one day in institute some girl asked Chad if he liked my hair. And arn't I so blessed that he did. They are my kids. More apart of me then I could have imagined. When they hurt, I hurt. When they cry, I cry. When they laugh, I laugh. When they smile I smile. I never thought it possible. How can a mother leave the room when her child crys out? Is it really possible that even though your child is made from you, that you can't even see yourself in their eyes? I don't understand the probablity of it. Lauren likes root beer, and I hate it. But when she looks at me, the sun shines from her eyes. We don't have to agree. We don't have to like the same things. As she grows from a tenatious little toddler into a crabby teenager, I have no doubt that there will be many disagreements. We don't always have to see eye to eye, just as long as our hearts are on the same page. My heart will always follow my children where ever life takes them. They carry a little piece of my heart in there heart. I would say that all I want for Lauren and Evan is happiness, but that is not enough. I want them to know that they are my little treasures, and I will always ALWAYS cherish them. I have found my family. Sometimes you have to make one to find one.

The older I get, the more I understand how important good friends are. I am not going to say just how old I am, all I will say however is that I watched with a nation as The Challenger lite up the sky and rescue workers escavated a well to save baby Jessica. If you don't know what I am talking about then I am older then I realized. But that is neither here nor there. I degress. I am talking about girls, girls, and more girls. Chatting, laughing, and eating. No baby talk, no dishes to do, and no cleaning. Just a nice night out. I am such a private person. It is hard for me to open up to people and let them see me. When I find people that I can do that with, I want to hang on to them. They are little treasures. Thank you for letting me be me.