Arizona

As previously stated, I am not a big fan of Phoenix. But I really could have used a big fan!! An industrial type one. But it must be said that the drive out there was very pretty. It really is amazing how much rock formations and climent are out there, in just one area!! We drove through deserts, mountains and even a forest. We literally drove through billions of years of earth’s history. You could see the stories of the past painted into the different layers of the rocks. It was fun to share that with Chad, who loves geology, and with the babies.
On a different note, my kids are weird!! They will not go to sleep on a road trip. One time we drove to California, starting out at 3 in the morning. Our hope was that Lauren would sleep most of the way. But nope, the girl stayed awake the whole 12 hours of the drive. And on this trip, both Lauren and Evan refused to give it up and just close their eyes. They would play with their toys for about 15 mins, maybe 20. They would start to laugh hysterically. Soon the laugh would morph into tears. Then silence for maybe 10 min, and the cycle would start all over again. I personally love to sleep on a road trip!! Every time I am surprised about how fast the drive is and how far we have come since I last closed my eyes. When I share that with Chad, he just looks at me quizzically. I guess for the person driving, the drive is long. We are home now. I love walking in the door of my house after being away for awhile. I love my house. I love being away, but it is always nice to come back home again.

HELP M E!!! I am trapped in Arizonia!!!!

I am a little confussed. People live here on purpose? Don't they understand that there are places that you can live that you don't bake everytime you walk out your front door? There are places that contain more color then just the color brown? I am stunned. I have never been to a place that is so void of color. Brown buildings, brown ground, even the sky has a little tint of tan in the atmosphere. I guess that that is the color of burnt earth. Phenoix does have its good points, the air conditioning works great here. I have been to philidelphia, florida, New Orlands, Missouri, kansas, Puerto Rico, San Diego, San Antonio, and of cousre Malibu. I think of myself as a generally positive person and I think that there is an amount of good in every place. But I will confess that I am hard pressed to think of one redeaming quality in this dessert wasteland. Stephanie Meyer might be a good writer, but I think that she has missed it on the loving the dessert bit. Everyone who knows me knows that I am a beach girl, so i guess tha it is no suprise. I am sitting here in my hotel room because it is to hot to move in the outside world. I am done with my rant for now, more to come later.
P.s- I have fourth of July pics, I am just way slow at getting them up.

The things I learned in Canada...

Where the Maple Leaf grows national pride and hockey scares are badges of courage, where the most common phrase is "No problem, eh?" and even bums say please and thank you, that is where I learned some life lessons. I think that I am a generally good person. I don't steal lie or cheat. (Ok, so maybe I lied-does cheating at Clue count?). The worst thing that I have ever done in my life is make fun of this kid named Denis Scoleville in the second grade. I wanted to fit in and for once I wasn't the focus of the teasing. I felt so bad that when I came home I actually threw up. I thought that it was a fitting punishment for making an other human being feel so small. But I grew up and learned and hopefully I turned out alright. And although I don't think of myself as a selfish person, I do think that I can be a litte short sided at times. This brings me to my life lessons. Chad and I went to Canada. And we fell in love. If you have never been to Vancouver, you have to make a trip out there. We went to dinner at a Chinese restaurant with some of the people we were there with. After dinner, we started off on our way back to the hotel where we passed a man holding a cardboard sign which said simply "Please Help". As good as a person as I think I am, I must admit that I just passed by without a second thought. Our friend Scott, however, stopped to ask the man how he was doing. "I've been better". The homeless man replied. Scott then dug into his shirt pocket and retrieved his cigarettes. He got down on the homeless man's level to light it for him. Then he gave him some money. But not just a dollar or two, he gave him a wad. ( I really don't know how much a wad is, but more then just a token). It was one of the most inspirational moments that I was lucky enough to witness. Scott doesn't go to church and he smokes like a chimney. And yet, I who attend at least sacrament every Sunday and has never smoked drank or anything of that sort, just passed up an other person in need. Someone who in the grand scheme of things is literally my brother. I thought of the parable of the Good Samaritan and realized that I was watching a modern day remake of that old Bible story being played out right before my eyes. How many times do we see someone who needs help? How many times do we see someone we know with red puffy eyes, and never think to ask if everything is all right? After all, it really is none of our business. But in reality we are each others business. We generally won't run into a situation where we can do things incredibly heroic. It is not everyday that we get the opportunity to save children from a burning building or to reach into the icy gulf of a river and pull out someone who is drowning. But we do get to pass people in need on the streets on a day to day basis. I bet if you asked that homeless man on the streets of Vancouver, he would agree that Scott was very heroic that day.

Night Terrors

After the teeth are bushed and the prayers are said, after the books are read and the covers tucked, you expect your little ones to drift off in the land of Blink and Nod. But sometimes there little minds are not filled with cloudy wonders, but instead filled with stormy rages. Not all the time, but maybe once every two months, Lauren wakes up screaming. Chad and I still have not gotten out of her what it is exactly that she dreams about to bring on these episodes. Her eyes are usually blank and distant and she won't let Chad or I hold her to calm her down. I think that she isn't fully awake when we come running. It usually takes a good hour, maybe more to get her calmed down enough to go back to sleep, and I will most likely end up in her small little toddler bed, holding her untill her breathing evens out. It breaks my heart to see complete terror in her eyes and I really don't know where these dreams come from. I wish nothing more then angelic dreams for my little angel, but it isn't always the case. At least it is only every so often and not every night.

Picture Update

Facing the Storms.

The sky was purple, the waters were gray, and the beach was littered with sea foam. And we were alone, walking hand in hand. Only a single baby seal crying out for it's mother shared the beach with us. No one ealse was crazy enough to even go to the beach on a day like that. My teeth were chattering from the cold, but I hardly noticed. My fingers were wraped tightly around Chad's and stuffed into his coat pocket to keep warm. It was one of my favorite moments dating Chad. All I could think of as we looked out upon the great void of the ocean was, this would be the perfect time and place for him to ask me to marry him. I have never needed a public display of affection. After all, it's not what they do for you when everyone can see and judge there actions, it is what they do for you when the door is shut to the world that lets you know how much they love you. He didn't ask then though. He wouldn't ask me for an other week. But that didn't spoil the date. We stood there side by side and faced that storm head on, never flinching. If we had know just how apporpraite a medaphore for marraige facing that storm was, then it really would have been the perfect time to get engaged.


We have been married 5, going on 6 years. January 31st 2003. For better or for worse, it was the day that change my life forever. My name would always be connected to Chad's. And since that day, we have faced alot of storms together. School, heart opperations, stomaches being pumped, post-pardom depression, lack of money, lack of sleep, lack of family support, babies, and even a time when we had to decided if what we have was worth fighting for. I have loved him and hated him, and sometimes I have loved and hated him at the sametime. I have watched his face morph into love, anger, regret, happiness, peace, and sometimes dispare. He holds the weight of our little world on his sholders, and I see the pressure of it in his eyes. I know everything about him, I have heard all his stories and he has heard mine, and yet I learn new things everyday.


This is a personal post. It is for someone that I love. I want her to know that it is worth it. Every hair I have pulled out in frustration, every tear that he has made me shed in sorrow, every sleepless night and stupid fight (and even the not so stupid ones). I wouldn't trade one hard time with my Chad, for a million easy happy ones without him. I am so blessed and very grateful for the lessons that we have learned together. All the crap that we went through a couple years ago has made us stronger and happier then anyone I know. And I know that we wouldn't be enjoying the priceless gold of our relationship without the burning refiners fire that we went through. I know I can face anything with Chad, because we have already stood hand in hand and faced a storm that would have blown anyone ealse over. And I hope to watch other storms come and go with him by my side. He is etched into my heart. He is part of my soul. When he holds me tight in his arms, I am not sure if he couldn't just breathe for me. He is so much a part of me that I couldn't exsist without him by my side. I could live, but living and exsisting are two seperate things. Is he perfect? No, but neither am I. Is he perfect for me? Yes, he was my choice and still is. He truely is the great love of my life. All I can do is look forward. It does no good to look back. So here I stand, with my eyes wide open, unflinching, into our future. I don't know how many days the sun will shine on my face, or how loud the winds will blow. All I need to know is weather or not Chad will be there to hold my hand. And he is, and always will. You see, I don't believe that saying that sometimes love isn't enough because sometimes, love is all that you have.