Things that make you go..AHHH!!

Ok. so when I was a little girl, maybe 7 or 8, my parents rented a movie and made us go to bed early. DO NOT come out of your room, they warned. But like most things we are told not to do, it just makes us itch to do it. So after a while, I silently crept out of my room and crawled on my hands and knees down the hall. When I peeked around the corner, I saw this..

Needless to say, from that day on, I have hated clowns and gutters. When Chad and I were dating and we would go on walks, I would always completely avoid any open gutters. He asked why, and at the time I was a little to embaressed to tell him. When I did tell him, he just thought it was cute-it added to my irresistable charm. But he totally agreed with me on the whole clown thing. Think about it, they are a little scary. I mean, you don't know who it could be under all that happy make-up. It could be a serial killer for all you knew. I also hate dolls and vantriliquist dummys. I would be so angry if a doll just turned it's creepy little head towards me and started laughing. I don't know if it is because I read to much or if I have an over active imagination. The funny thing is that as an adult, I have yet to see IT. It was only as a little girl that I saw that one imagine, and that did it for me. I am sure if I watched it now it would almost be laughable, but I can't bring myself to do it. Oh and spiders, I am afraid of them too.

Good-bye Summer..

..we will miss you.

Body Worlds 3

Chad and I went down to the Body World exibit in Salt Lake today. It was great. I keep looking at everything, just in amazement that these were once living breathing human beings. Every "exibit" donates their body to the Body Worlds thing. But even still, it is strange to me that they wanted their body displayed like that. But then again, it is strange to me that people want their ashes dumped into the Pacific Ocean too. So who am I to judge. It makes for a good display. They wouldn't let me take any pictures inside, so I had to look for them on the internet. Fair warning for you-if you type in Body Worlds into google and do an image search-you come across some pretty intresting pictures that arn't exactly rated PG or even PG-13 for that matter.


I thought that the Camel was cool. From one angle, you can see it's stomache contents. Overall, I thought that is was very good. I am glad that we went. It is very educational, and it is just amazing to see all that goes into makeing the body run smoothly. To look at all the capillaries, veins, arteries, tendons, ect., it surprises me that people still don't believe in some kind of higher power. Everything works together and if one thing goes out, the whole human machine just doesn't work right. It had to take intelligence to put all of that together.

The hardest part of the whole exibit was to see the little baby fetus'. To me, the grown bodies lived there life and had a choice, while the little unborn babies had no life to live. I saw a little fetus at 16 weeks gestation and you could already tell that it was a little girl. They had a little one at 9 weeks gestation and it looked like a little baby, the size of a bean, but you could tell that it was a baby. I remember seeing the little flutter of Lauren's heart for the first time at 11 weeks and I just cryed. My stomache still flat, I couldn't feel her, but I could see her there on the monitor, and her little heart was flying. It amazes me that people take those little hearts out and throw them away, just because they wern't ready for a baby yet. All I could think was of Lauren and Evan. I feel so blessed that I never have known the heartache of a miscarrige. I got to carry my babies to full term and I get to watch them grow up.

Overall, it was a great thing to do. I would recommend it to anyone. I wouldn't bring your kids though.

I have sat down about ten times already to try and write this post. I want to write all about Chad! His birthday was on October 11th and I wanted to tell the blogging world how lucky I am to have such a man. However, everytime I sat down at my trusty computer I got writer's block. How can I have writer's block when I am talking about the many ways I love Chad? It should be easy. He is the one thing in life that I am very sure about. He is the easiest decision I have ever made. The greatest blessing, the most rewarding commitment, the best relationship, the biggest supporter, and the best kisser I have ever come across. I can go on and on but I don't want everyone to loose their lunch. Our first date, I felt like I knew him for years. We had no awkward silences. The conversation was filled with exclamations of "Me too!!" I had always wanted a lifelong best friend, one that I could totally be myself around without fear. And as I sat in the car with him, trying to say good-bye for two hours with neither one of us making the move to leave, I felt that I had found my life long best friend. Lucky for me, he not only made it easy to talk to, he also made butterflies take flight in my stomache. It is almost 6 years later, and those butterflies are still flying. I guess the reason it was so hard to writewhy I am so grateful that a little boy was born on October 11th, who grow into the man of my dreams is-how can you put into words why your heart beats? Or what exactly makes you glow from the inside out? Some don't believe in soulmates, or love at first site. Some think that there is no such thing as a perfect match, like two halves of the same whole finding each other. I say, that it is unequivocally,unmistakably,unquestionably,categorically true that Chad just might be my missing puzzle piece. Happy (late) Birthday! It is such a gift to me that you were born. I will forever be indebted to you mom and dad for raising such a wonderful person.

Pink Hair

Lauren's favorite color is pink. Everything has to be pink. Pink room, pink crayons, pink dress, you name it, it has to be pink. I really don't think that she believes there are anyother colors worth mentioning. One time she tryed to paint her walls pink in her room by using some of my nail polish. An other time, she really wanted to have pink carpet, so what did she do you ask? Well I'll tell you. She somehow got a hold of some pepto bismol and dumped it all over her carpet. She was so excited. "Mommy come look at my pink floor". But I bet you don't know what color pepto bismol turns to when it dries. Brown, and it doesn't come out. So now the Pink girl has a big brown spot in the middle of her room. She always tells Chad and I that she wants pink hair. So while we were at Wal-mart, we saw some pink hair spray in the halloween isle. We totally got it for out little pink princess and she loved it! It was completly worth the whole dollar and a half! It takes so little to make there world complete when they are only 3 years old.

Happy birthday Dallin!

Happy Birthday Dallin! We love you so much. Our little Dallin is now 8 years old. I really can't believe it. He is such a sweet little boy. Lauren adores him. Anytime we go over to Auntie Shari's house, she is always asking wether or not Dallin will be there and wonders if Dallin will play with her. And he always does. When I first met Dallin, it was at his 2nd birthday party, so it blows my mind that he is already 8. I really don't know where the time goes!

This is Dallin at 2 years old. Still in a diper! Isn't he so cute. Look at his very blonde hair!


Here is Dallin at 8. Still a cute boy, just a little older and wiser now.

A little side note-the shirt in the pictures that Evan is wearing use to be Chad's when he was a baby. I love that we still have it. I hope to be able to keep it for Evan's little ones too. Anyway Happy Birthday Dallin! I love my family so much!

Evan, my little helper!

After a whole year of Evan not pulling his weight around the house, he finally decides to help out a little bit. All I can say is that it's about time. All he ever did before is lay around and cry, demand to be hand fed, and sleep in ALL the time.


What a cute kid. He makes me laugh all the time.

Lots of updates!!

I have the BEST husband ever!! Not only has he never ever said to me "You've been home all day, what do you do all day long," he also knows how tough a job motherhood is. He tells me all the time that he isn't man enough to be a mom. So when I told him that I needed a break, he took Lauren up to the Mountians on a hike. (Evan was taking a nap). So not only did I get to have some alone time to recharge, Chad got some alone time with Lauren. They had so much fun.

Isn't she the cutest little girl!! Even with dirt on her face!

The first thing she said to me when she walked in the door was "Mommy, I got a flower for you!!" Chad said she carried that little purple flower around everywhere and wouldn't even let Chad hold it for her. She is so sweet.

Ok, so I am still not done bragging about Chad. (I love him so much. I dare someone to show me a better husband!) Anyway, about a year ago, my dad knocked down a wall for me between my kitchen and the family room. I love having my whole house opened up. I love that from one of the corners in the family room, you can see almost every room on the first floor. But what I don't love is the gapping whole in the ceiling that was left behind. Enter "Super-Chad!" He fixed it this weekend. Well, almost fixed it. It just needs to be sanded down and puttied and painted. But the whole is covered up. I love you Chad.



But, oh no, he wan't done being handy. His mom's window in her car was stuck. She couldn't roll it up. So Chad comes to the rescue yet again. What a man, eh.



Lauren got a hold of the camera and took a picture of her feet. Silly girl! Look at those cute little piggies.

Lauren and I working on our poses while Chad was working on the car.

Ok, so I know that this is a long one, but I am almost done! On to my other little man-Evan. He got his very first haircut! It was a spontanious decision or ealse we would have brought the camera. We were at the mall to get Chad's hair cut and when he was done I decided that Evan needed one too. And he looks adorable! I have never had a "baby's first haircut" moment since Lauren has never had her haircut. I actually cried. I can't believe I got emotional about it. But he does look like such a cute little man, don't cha think?
This is Evan before.

And these are after! This one is without me doing it. (We gave him a baby mohawk!)

This is the one with his hair all done up.

And here it is from the side. Don't I have a cute little guy.

Thank you Mimi

My Conversion Story

I don't always stand up and let people know what is in my heart. I sit and listen through sacrament meeting, never thinking to get up myself and testify what I believe. I guess that that is what becomes of being such a private person. I believe that whether or not you are born into the gospel or baptised into it, you still need to become converted to it. I have not always had a conviction that the church is true. All through high school, I did all that a good little mormon girl should do. Never questioning, never faultering. But I can't honestly say that I knew then that the chruch was true. I just did all that I was taught to do. When I was 17 years old, I left home and I was on my own for the first time in my life. Something happened to me that made me question all that I had been taught. I didn't understand how something so bad could happen to someone who did all that I was asked to do. I saw it as my Heavenly Father turning his back on me. It made me wonder if the church really was true. What happened was so hard for me to deal with, that instead of trying to come to terms with it and let myself feel all that I needed to, I just shut down. I didn't want to feel anything at all. And to not feel, I couldn't pray either. It was easier that way.
Later on that year, I left the comfort of America and found myself in the unfarmilar country of Russia. An asult of strange sounds and smells hit me fericly as I walked out of the airport. The first sight that greeted me was an old badbushka releaving herself in the gutter across the street. The first night there, we stayed in a school in Moscow, sleeping in blankets on the gym floor. As the daylight turned to darkness, I heard many people cry out of homesickness. As for myself, all I could do is stare at the ever darkening ceiling. I was blank inside, having trained myself not to feel at all. Anyone ealse at 18 would have been scared and lonely in this unfarmilar land. But I was neither happy, nor sad. I felt no fear or comfort. I felt nothing at all.
I soon came to love Russia. I love the people, the language, the food, and the culture. It really is such a defining time in my life. It is where I grew up. It was the place that I learned who I was and all that I could handle. It is where I found myself again. About six months after the day that I steped onto Russian soil for the first time, I was now speaking fluently. I could barter in the marketplaces and I could hold my own in a conversation. Although I was told more then once that I spoke with a heavy American accent. But, hey, what am I going to do, I am an American.
One night while visiting Moscow, certin events led me to the concret cold floor of a bathroom, crying for the first time in over a year and a half. When you shut yourself off from feelings and then after a long period of time allow those feelings to live, the floodgates of emotions become overwheling. The onslaught of pent up emotions had a whole year and a half to become stronger and stronger. I couldn't bear all the different thoughts and feelings. I felt like I was being torn in half from the inside out. I was sure that every cell of my body was bleeding. An other event that I didn't let myself do for over a year was preformed that night, I prayed. But it was no humble prayer of submission and repentace. It was full of anger "How could you leave me alone like this. Didn't you know that I need you. When I needed you the most out of my whole life, you abandon me!! Don't you love me." I cried up into the ceiling. All of the sudden, in that cold country on that cold bathroom floor, I felt warmth so burning and powerful that I have no words in the English language to discribe it. I felt rather then heard the words "I was always here, it was you that left." Those felt words were so clear, I might as well have heard them.
Through it all, my Heavenly Father was still there for me. I might have slamed the door shut, but there he waited for me to open it again. Never walking away and never giving up on me. I might not always do all that I should. I am still learning, my testimony still growing. But I know that this is where I need to be, the church that I need to raise my children in. I may not be able to tell you when the church was organized and what Bigham Young said in the first confrece in the Salt Lake Valley, but I do know that my Heavenly Father loves me and will always be there for me. No mater how much I turn my back on him or how long I stop talking to him, in the end he will always welcome me with open arms and all the love of a father for his daughter.