When I was in the 5th grade at good ol' Oquirrah Hills Elementry school, we made a time capsule. I am not sure what turned my thoughts to that time capsule last night, but I couldn't help but wonder if future little 5th graders actually opened and looked at our time capsule. I can't even remember what it is I put in there to define who I was at the age of 11. Most likely it was something like a New Kids on the Block poster or maybe a picture of Chad Allen ("pre-coming out of the closet") or Kurt Cammeron. What ever it was, I am sure it was very indicative of the '80s.
It got me wondering what I would put into a time capsule now. What defines me in the year of 2010? I wonder what I want the future to know about this time in my life. I could put in my name tag from McGrath's, but that is not who I am. I could tuck into the capsule a poem that I wrote or a picture that I drew. However, again, that doesn't really define me. Because as much as I love to sketch and write, that really isn't who I am. And to tell you the truth, I am not sure I really know the person I am because I am always learning and growing. I am an ever changing work in progress. I hope I never really do get to a point where I say that I have learned enough, read enough, and explored enough. I hope I am always surprised by life.
While I was pondering this conundrum (I love that word), I heard Lauren and Evan giggling in the back yard. I heard their gentle voices trickle and splash around all the corners of the backyard. I saw their little legs run around chasing Radley, our dog. I felt the wind on my face and the sun on my cheeks. As Evan ran into my arms, I smelled the fregrence of childhood and summer melt off his hair, and I felt his strong child arms encircle my neck. Then I heard the brakes of our Mazda Tribute squeal announcing that Chad was home from work. I heard the excited proclamations of my children yelling "Daddy's home," as they ran to meet Chad as he walked through the door. His own personal welcoming committee. And I felt his lips on mine as he leaned in for a quick kiss.
Modernism would say that you shouldn't loose yourself in your family. You should keep your individuality. I am an individual. I have my own interests and ideas. But in that short ten minutes of time, I found myself. I was in the smile on Lauren's face and in the enthusiams of Evan's laugh. I was in the arms of my husband and I was in the strong beat that is the heart of this family of mine. For wherever they are, that is where I want to be.
So how do I bottle all of that and place it in a time capsule? You really can't. You can't take that kind of love and archive it. It is ment to be lived and felt every day. It's purpose is not for future generations to study and disect. It is for the here and now. I am not sure how long this life of dirty dipers and snotty noses..of princess dresses and Buzz Lightyear..of "Mommy can I sleep in your bed." and "I made you a picture." will last. But I know that I don't want to place it in a box and put it on a shelf. I want to drink it in and bask in it's glow as long as I can. These are the things that define me. I am a mother and a wife. I am a feeler and a romantic. I have good days and bad ones too. But everyday I am surrounded by the people that I love madly and I am filled to the brim with graditude.