Dear Lauren and Evan

Dear Lauren and Evan,

When I first saw the pink line, and when I first felt you move inside of me, when I first saw the flutter of your heart and heard the frantic beating of it like a speeding train, I knew I was hooked. People will tell you that the love you have for your child is not like any other love that exists. There is no way to describe it and no way to live with out it once you have felt it. People tell you that your whole life will change. People tell you that being a mother is the best thing and the toughest job you can ever imagine. And they were right.

But no one ever told me that I would stay up all night just to watch your chest rise and fall, marveling at the miracle that was formed inside of me. Or that the sound of your tears would move me so deeply. That your blue eyes are the most beautiful color I have ever known. No one told me that my long hair, which I use to spend hours on, would spend most days in a pony tail. And my nice clothes that I use to wear on a daily basis would find it's way to the back of my closet, replaced by a comfortable track suit and slippers that I wouldn't be embarrassed to run to wal mart in. Hey I might even make it onto one of those e mails of the wal mart people on of these days :).

No body told me that I would spend my days and nights with you in my thoughts. I would spend all day waiting for 8 o'clock to roll around, and then once you slept, watch your innocent face and think of all the ways that I can improve as a mother. No one told me that exhaustion and guilt would be my constant companions. No one told me that my alarm clock would be replaced by a little girl and a little boy who are wondering where there breakfast is. And that I would willingly give up watching my favorite shows so that you can watch yours. I know the theme songs and characters to Word World, Super Why, and Little Einsteins, but have lost track of the story line on Desperate Housewives.

People did say that having children changes your life, but no one ever went into specifics. It is a scary, and sometimes lonely road that we willingly travel down. Once we start on this journey of ours, once we realized the heartache and hardship that parenthood has to offer, we choose to make this journey again and again. I would rather have an illness or injury rather then watch you suffer through it. Because no one ever told us how the feather whisper of your child's breath on your face gives you the greatest peace this world has to offer. And when I hold you in my arms, I know I am holding a piece of heaven. No one told me how the feel of your little hands patting me on the back and the weight of your body sitting on my lap would be a gift that no price could be put on. Or that I am filled with pride when you learn your letters, numbers, colors. Your accomplishments become more important to me then my own. No one said that I would rather sit on the floor and play with cars then to go to the fanciest partys in creation. That when someone says "your daughter is beautiful" that it would mean more to me then if someone complimented me. Because to compliment my child is the greatest gift you can give me. No one said that the sound of your laughter would be more beautiful then the London Philharmonic Symphony or more soothing then the sound of the waves crashing onto the beach. And that my life would fill gratified by hearing three little words in your tiny voices..I love you. I wear the title of Mommy proudly. A title I would never have without you little monsters in my life! I love you more then words can express, because no one has ever come up with an adequate word to classify this kind of love.

Love Mommy