Our Saddness

Last night, I had decided that the blog that I would right today was going to be about the Killer's Concert. I came out of the arena full of adranalin. It was such an amazing show. There just didn't seem to be anything ealse to write about. We got home and thanked Chad's mom for all the work she did. We got home pretty late. In passing, Chad's mom had mentioned that she had not seen our little Sydney all day long.

After she left, Chad and I spent the next two hours looking everywhere in our house. In all the cubbords and little nooks that she loves to cuddle up into. Sydney always comes when we call her. She is always there to greet us at the door. When we couldn't find her, Chad got into the car and drove up and down the streets. We were now afraid that she might have gotten hit by a car. But he couldn't find her. When he got home, I had mentioned that she loved to walk the fence line. I hoped that she haddn't fallen over the fence since our neighbor has two big dogs. Chad went outside to check. He was gone a long time. By this time it was 2 A.M. I heard a hard knock at the front door. I reconized the weight and sound of it to be Chad's. My heart leaped because I thought for sure that Chad had found our little spitfire. When I opened the door, he looked at me and said "I found her...she is dead."




My heart broke and the tears just pored out. Chad gathered me in my arms and there we stayed, at the bottom of the stairs with the frount door open, for at least 10 minutes, while we shared our sarrow. I couldn't belive that she was gone. I tryed to remember the last time I had seen her, and I couldn't think. She was gone. And I would never be able to feel the weight of her on my chest as she slept. This is so hard for me to write. As anyone who has animals in their home can testify, these little creaters become family. They give so much love. I didn't know how I was going to tell Lauren. She always said that Sydney was her cat. She loved her so much.

Of course my mind thought of all the fun times we have had with Sydney. She was a little girl with so much personality. She was so fiesty. And, oh boy did she talk alot. She patiently let Lauren dress her up in ribbons and bows. Lauren would carry her around with her arms tightly holding onto to Sydney just below her armpits, Sydneys back legs dangiling and draging on the floor. Everytime I got out the bills, she all of the sudden was there, all stretched out on top of all the papers. When I opened a book or a magazine, she would lay right on it or push it away. She would lay her body across the keyboard whenever I went to write a blog. Even now, the absence of her on my keyboard brings a little pain into my heart. She has always been there. Ever since Chad and I were first married. She has always been a part of our lives. A small part of me always thought she would be. I have lots of stories of her. The time she scared the crap out of Chad and I when we were watching The Blair Witch Project, or the time she jumped up on the table and missed. She was so embarressed, she ran to the cornor and wouldn't come out. Out of all the stories, I guess I would like to share the last time Sydney and I were together.

I was up late at night reading a book. It is the only time I can get through a whole chapter. So when everyone sleeps, I read. I was on the laying on the couch with my book proped open when Sydney jumped up and pushed my book away. Then she started her long slow process of finding a comfortable spot. (First, she walks in circles for a couple of minutes. Then she sits down and kneads you with her paws of a couple of more minutes. But then she jumps up and circles some more. Once that is done, she is down kneading you just a little bit more. Finally she settles down and is still. This whole process has been known to take up to fifteen minutes). I didn't want to wait for Sydney to get comfortable, so I just picked her up and put her on the ground. But Sydney isn't one to take no for an answer, so immediatly, she was back on my chest, pushing my book away. I again picked her up and put her on the ground. But up she was, one more time. Third time is the charm they say. So I waited untill Sydney did her little OCD ritual, and once she was comfortably purring on my chest, I picked up my book and read around her furry ears. I am so glad that I didn't kick her off a third time. It was just me and Sydney and a good book. I will always cherish those last few minutes I had with her. And everytime I open a book, I will miss her not being there to push it away from me.

(This is Lauren saying good bye to her friend, her little kitty, this morning after our little "funeral" for Sydney).