Hoggle Zoo

Mother's Day wasn't as bad for me as it was in years past. So I think that that is a good thing. I have tryed so hard to deal with all of this on my own, and I just can't. There are other things in my past that I have kind of buried and ignored. That just isn't a healthy way to deal with things. Even though you think you are fine, every now and then all of these supressed issues with come out with avengance and ruin a perfectly good day. I look at Lauren and I really really don't want to give her material she can take to a therapist all because I think that I can "get over" things on my own. The truth is, I am not on my own. I have Lauren and Evan to think about. And Chad as well. As much as I want to do this all by myself, I havn't the tools to do it. Chad tries, but he doesn't either. I just don't want this to follow me my whole life. I think that deciding to go see a therapist doesn't show any kind of weakness. It dosen't mean I am crazy or broken. I think it shows stregth. My mom isn't the only thing that has invaded itself on my well being. This other "invasion" was deep and shocking. I have seen girls that have gone through what I did and have come out on the other end as drug atticts and gothic loving drunks. So considering all of that, I think I have done pretty well, but I still have scars to deal with. My head says that I never did anything wrong, while my heart still thinks that there might be something wrong with me. I know that there isn't, but I feel that there is. I don't know if I am making any scence. I hope that maybe if I am this honest with all my raw emotions and issues, I hopefully will help someone ealse. We all have our little Gethsemanes and crosses to bare. But nobody ever said that we have to carry all of our baggage all by ourselves. Besides, I would rather be a survivor and show the example of stregth to my kids then to be a marter. I am trying to be honest, while still maintaining a certin leval of annonimity. But I truely hope that my honesty gives you strength. We are all on a journey together. We all want our kids to have better then we have. We want to be happy and loved, and understood. We should all be here for each other. There is no such thing as a perfect house, perfect mother, perfect wife, or perfect children. We are a community of women who do the best we can with what we have. Who cares of our hair isn't dry by the time the visiting teachers knocks on the door? I would hope that all my friends wouldn't worry about the land mine of toys littering their living room when I knock on the door. I love figer prints on mirrors and jelly stains on walls. We need to give ourselves permission to not be perfect. It is our imperfections that make us characters and interesting. Giving that rational, then I have got to be the most interesting person out there with all of my imperfections. I want to learn to embrace them. And you thought I was going to talk about Hoggle Zoo, I thought so too. I guess it is better late then never.

We went to Hoggle zoo :) It was a good day to go to because the weather was perfect, well, in the 60s. But the animals were out and moving. I always love going in the spring time to the zoo. I am not a fan of walking around in 100 degree weather watching animals to nothing because it is to hot for them too. It was a lot of fun. Cats were pacing, bears were playing, monkeys were leaping from tree to tree. It was very fun. I loved watching Evan's reaction to the animals. He would actually squeal with delight. And Lauren was so cute. She loved "teaching" Evan about all the animals. I love it when she takes on the big sister-protector roll. Here are some pictures of our day at the zoo.





Chad got pictures of Evan running to me. I love it. Moments like this makes everything worth it. He is such a tender hearted loving sweet boy. I am very lucky to be his mom.



You gotta love this picture of a Garaff that Chad took. He is turning into a really good photographer.

You can't go to the zoo without getting an ice cream cone. I love this picture of Lauren and Chad "sharing" their ice cream.


And, of course, you really can't go to the zoo without taking a picture next to the big bronze gorilla.

It was a good day. I love spending time with Lauren and Evan. They are my favorite people.