JUST ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE

Lauren turns 7

2012-01-26T17:01:00.000-08:00

I wanted to make Lauren's birthday as special as she is. On December 29th, she turned the whooping age of 7. And as I do every year on my kids birthday, I want to write down my thoughts and feelings for her.

Dear Lauren,
The 7 years that you have been in my life have been the most amazing, frustrating, wonderful, stressful, roller coaster ride of my life. You have made me grow as a person like nothing else in this world can. I have known what it is to want an other's comfort above my own. I wish nothing more then for you to have all that life has to offer you. I want your smile to continue to light up rooms as it does now. I want you to never loose that scene of wonder for the world around you that you exhibits on a daily basis. I hope you always want to question the world around you and continue to thirst for knowledge. I want you to drink in the marrow of life and never get your fill. You amaze me. You are such a caring person, a natural nurturer. Both of your brothers light up when you speak to them. I still remember your little hand in mine, your princess dress falling below your feet, and your million wat smile. I can't believe how fast time is flying and all I want is to hold onto you, on to this time in your life, and I want to watch you grow into the person I know you are going to become. I can see her now, she is you, all the wonderful things you are today. And she is you, all the things that you will add and grow and mature into. I love you and I am so proud to be here on this journey with you. You are so loved, more then words can express.

Love Mom

For Lauren's birthday, all she wanted was feathers in her hair :). So we went early in the morning and got her some. She loves them and has let me know that she wants more.

She has been asking for a long time now to come to my work to eat. So on her birthday, we went to McGrath's for her birthday lunch. She had Fish and Chips and loved it when they sang Happy Birthday to her.

She is showing off the ring that Evan got her for her birthday. I love how close they are. They are each other's best friend. I feel lucky to have kids that love to be in each other's company.

She is so pretty, she can even pull of a giant fish on her head and still look so chic.

She also got a pair of her very first high heel shoes, which, I might add, has rarely left her feet since.

While we were there, I had the cooks get a lobster out of the tank so that Lauren and Evan could touch it. I didn't think Evan would, but he surprised me and did.
Later on that day, we all went to Applebee's with Chad's mom for an other birthday dinner.

Lauren loves to be the center of everything. And so, of course, she loved it when they sang to her at Applebee's too.

Some of Lauren's likes at 7 years old are:

Zebra print and bright pink
Make-up
Jewelry
School
Science
Art
Junie B.Jones Books
Evan and Reece
Tangled
Tootsie Rolls and Cotton Candy Ice Cream
Root Beer and Chocolate milk
Kittens
Grandparents
Playing with her best fiend Marley
Her Treehouse
Vampire Diarys

Her dislikes at the age of 7:

fights
tomatos and eggs
time out
reading "10 hour words"
the cold
toy cars
getting her hair combed
the taste of Reece's food
the color orange
glass
rasin bran cereal
Bananas
mornings

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

Christmas 2011

2012-01-07T10:02:00.000-08:00

It has been a minute since I visited the blogging world. I do want to get back in it. A little less facebook and a little more blogging, since blogging really is a good way to keep a record of what is going on in our family and lives. This Christmas, we were again blessed with anonymous strangers who generously gave to our kids what we couldn't. Chad has been laid off from Hill Air Force Base now since just a month before Reece was born. (Thanks Obama for all of your government set backs..we sure love all of your change). And with things the way they are, it has been difficult to find a job. (again, thank you Obama, for your great recovery plan. I really do feel the difference in our economy since you became commander and chief). And this Christmas, we had three little ones instead of two, although Reece slept through it all. Christmas was fun. It was relaxing this year. We did all our family partys before Christmas, so we didn't have anywhere to go. We opened gifts and let the kids play with their now acquisitions all day long.

These pictures remind me of that part in a Christmas Story on Christmas morning. I could almost hear the narrator saying "We plunged into the cornucopia quivering with desire and the ecstasy of unbridled avarice." Every year I try and control the chaos, but I soon give up. The call of gifts under the tree is to strong, I just have to let them plunge in a destroy.

This is what our living room looked like after the onslaught. It took hours to clean up their Christmas joy. Just when I thought I had it all clean, I would turn around and find something else that they had gotten out to play with. Cleaning up when you have kids is like shoveling the driveway during a blizzard!!

While we were opening up gifts, our kitten, Fat Louie, had a front row seat. She climbed into the Christmas tree and took a nap on the branches. She has been climbing in the tree ever since we had it out.

Lauren and Evan had a great Christmas this year. They spent the rest of the day playing with all their gifts.

I hope everyone out there had a nice Christmas too, and I hope that the new year brings lots of joy and opportunity to our family and yours as well.

Arizona 2011

2011-09-06T10:04:00.000-07:00

We recently got the opportunity to go to Arizona for a mini vacation. It was so nice to get away for a little while. We really didn't do much. If haven't heard, Arizona is stupid hot. It was way to hot to do much. All my energy leaked out of me with all the sweat. Crazy stupid hot!! How do people move and live in Arizona?!? Crazy! Anyway, we didn't go to Arizona for the weather. We went there to visit Chad's dad who was doing a convention there that week. Mimi and Pop Pop hadn't had the chance to meet Reece, and besides, we just love any excuse we can come up with to be able to see them again.

So off to Arizona we went. As with the last trip to Arizona, the best part of the drive out there and back. One of these days, we are going to have to camp somewhere along that stretch of high way. It really is awesome. We also got the chance to visit the Hover Dam. Unfortunately, we didn't get any pictures of that.

You can see how hot it was there in Lauren and Evan's faces. I am sure that if we visited Arizona in October or December, we might just love it. But in July, it is just to hot. We did get a chance to visit with Doug and Debbie, which was kind of the whole point of going out there in the first place. We are grateful to them. Without them, we would have never gone to Purto Rico, Catalina, Philadelphia, New Orleans, San Antonio, and so many other places, including Arizona. We love them. They were working while we were there, so we didn't get to spend the whole time with them, but we were able to go swimming with them one night and eat dinner with them an other.

Pop Pop meeting Reece for the first time. It was love at first sight.

In the end, whether your in super hot Arizona or some other place, it is always nice to get away from the real world, to take a pause on all your troubles and stresses, and just be. And no matter where I am at, as long as I have my family around me, then I am in Heaven.

Lauren's First day of First Grade

2011-09-06T08:20:00.000-07:00

It happened once again. Where did the summer go? Where did my little girl go? I couldn't help but think just how mature Lauren is looking lately. I thought that this year, I wouldn't get all emotional because it is something that I have already been through last year. But I totally got all misty eyed watching her walk in all confident and excited. She is getting so big and I am completely in awe of her on a daily basis. I love my little girl who is rapidly becoming not so little anymore.

Here is Lauren looking oh so chic in her "Back to School" outfit.

I feel so lucky that we live in walking distance from Lauren's school. I am not sure how I would handle putting Lauren on a bus and watching that bus drive away every morning. This is a much better arrangement for me, anyway.

Lauren in front of her school. She won't let me do her hair anymore. She is all about the head band. I might get to talk her into letting me do her hair once in a while, and I think she lets me because she loves me, not because she wants her hair done all fancy.

Lining up with her class. This year, all her friends ended up in other classes. I am not worried though. Lauren has never had any trouble making friends. And it doesn't seem to bother her either. She loves school. Loves it!

I feel so blessed to be able to be a witness of Lauren's life. To watch her navigated all the peaks and valleys of childhood is such a gift to me. I am filled to the brim with bittersweet wonder and I can't help but remember a night not so long ago when I tucked in a two year old version of this amazing little girl of mine. That two year old incantation adamantly declared that she would always love and wear princess dresses everywhere. Now her collection of princess dresses hang in a dark corner of her closet. Every now and then, I catch glimpses of that same two year old princess. She has never left, she has just added layers of personality on top of previous layers. I hope she always hangs on to that little girl princess and I hope she never stops adding layers of beauty on top of layers of beauty to build the young women she will one day become. I love you my little Lauren, and I am so proud of all you are becoming.

In the leafy Tree tops

2011-07-21T11:03:00.000-07:00

If you are wondering what our kids have been doing all summer long, you need not look any further then the North/East corner of our back yard. When we first moved into our house, it was just the two of us, no kids. But one of the reasons we loved the house so much is that we could totally picture raising a family inside of these walls. One of the very first things Chad wanted to do was build a tree house in one of the big trees that we have. Eight years and three kids later, he did it. And the kids love it. They spend as much time as they can up in that tree house. I have urgent care on speed dial, I am just waiting for one of both of them to come tumbling out and breaking their arms. But over protective mother's fears aside, it has been such a fun thing for them to have this summer.

Who knows, I might be writing a blog soon about the inept custmer service skills held by the urgent care workers while taking my kid in to get a cast put on. Or not. But either way, Lauren and Evan have their head in the clouds this summer, courtesy of a home made tree house.

Grandpa Sphar's Barn

2011-07-02T10:12:00.000-07:00

Chad moved into his Grandpa's house when he was just a baby. He grew up on his Grandpa's farm. When he was in high school, he moved back into his Grandpa's house and lived there while he went to school. He has very fond memories of that place. Chad and I were married for a little over 6 months when his Grandpa died of bone cancer and the family had to sell his Grandpa's house and land. Every now and then, we would drive by that house just to see it. Chad loved that house.

Last week we were just relaxing in front of the TV when we got a phone call from Chad's brother Ryan. He asked Chad to guess where he was sitting. It turns out that Ryan was sitting on a swing hanging from the rafters of Grandpa Sphar's barn. The house is for sell and it is empty. Ryan and Chad's mom were driving by and when they saw the house was empty, they decided to take a walk around the property and go see the barn. So we packed up the kids and drove on over to see it too. Chad and Ryan had to spend an hour walking around. Almost every thought was prefaced with "Remember when..."

The next day, we went back there and took some pictures of that old barn, the house, and all those memories. If we had the money, we would buy that place that was so filled with good times and evoked such a feeling of peace for Chad and all his brothers and sisters.

Here is Lauren and Evan sitting on that swing hanging in the barn. Chad swung on that swing when he was a little boy.

Giggling inside the barn.

All three of my little gifts. Poor Reece looks so uncomfortable...but he survived.

I still am amazed that I have THREE little ones. I still feel like I am 21, and you shouldn't have a 6 year old when your just 21. I am still just figuring out this whole mommy gig. The game keeps changing on me.

I love my cute family. They are my greatest accomplishment and my biggest joy.

Me and Reece's Pieces. He is such a sweet sweet baby. He completely belongs in our family.

Lauren hanging out on a fence post. There are moments in the day where I look at her and think she is just so pretty. I am sure all moms feel that way about their babies. But Lauren's real beauty comes from with in. She has an amazingly big and thoughtful heart. I would like to take credit for it, but she just came to us that way. It is really us who are the lucky ones to be able to parent such sweet kids.

Me and the boys. I love their tender hearts. Who knew boys would be so soft and sensitive. They are so cuddly and lovable. I really treasure my little guys.

I love my family. We are standing in front of the back door to the barn.

Evan is standing in front of a tree that Chad's Grandpa planted when he first moved into the house. The same Grandpa that we named Evan after. And just like that tree, the generations that started with Grandpa Sphar has grown big healthy and strong.

It was fun to go back to a place that means so much to Chad. I am so glad that we got the opportunity to take some pictures and walk around. We might not ever get the chance again.

2011-06-26T11:22:00.000-07:00

Every morning I wake up with the weight of the world swimming inside my chest. My arms and legs feel heavy and my stomach is under attack by a swarm of butterflies. The day that lays before me seems like a long hard road, and the thought of starting it is overwhelming. I feel shame and guilt as well because I have what everyone wants. I have a loving husband and three beautiful children who are happy and healthy. I thought that this time around, the nasty postpartum depression that always comes on the heels of having babies had past me by. But it was just a little late in coming. I know that I should be happy and spend my time drinking in the joy of my little newborn baby boy, but the heaviness that I am living with pulls me under sometimes. It really is hard for me because I am always such a happy positive person. I seriously can see the bright side in any given situation, and I have had some difficult times. And as difficult as this situation is, it is no different. I can still find one little bight spot, Reece. I would do it all again and a thousand times more just to hold that little guy in my arms. There is a reason that I have such a large age gap in between each of my kids, I don't like feeling this fog around me. I don't like feeling like I am walking through mud all day long. The one thing that saves me is my babies. It took me a long time to realize the first time that what I was experiencing and feeling was postpartum depression because I was (and am) so in love with the new life I held in my arms. Their little crys would always bring me back to this world. In fact it was for that reason alone that it took me until Lauren was 6 months old before I figured out what was wrong with me and to seek help. My wonderful doctor had told me that you didn't need to exhibit all the symptoms to have it, just the majority. I am telling my story because I hope that maybe it could help someone else. There is a surprisingly high percentage of moms who experience PPD. I am now taking some pills which I like to call my "happy pills" to help battle this ugly thing that has come into my life once again. The good news is, I know within a matter of months, I will be my happy optimistic self again. I have good days (like today) and I have bad days (like yesterday) and soon, one day, my good days will out number the bad like any other normal person out there. And that is when I will know that I am back. I hate to sound like some sort of public service announcement, but if you have ever felt these kinds of feeling after having a baby, don't wait to get help. Just talk to someone. It really does make life easier if you just attack this unwelcome invader so you are able to enjoy your children. There really is no shame in it, as shameful as you might feel. My kids deserve a happy mom, and that is something that I will fight for to give them. Because not only do they deserve a happy mom, but I deserve to be happy. And I will be again. I know it.

Better Late then never

2011-06-21T16:13:00.000-07:00

With me back at work and now a whopping THREE children to take care of, I am just a little behind on posting. So I am just going to pick a place to start and go from there.

A little over a week after Reece was born, my cute sister in law had her little boy, Lucas Dean Nicolay. He is just the cutest thing and looks just like a perfect blend of Kari and James. A lot was happening right around that time. My brother in law Ryan was just a couple of weeks from being deployed to Afghanistan and my other brother in law Billy, was visiting from Las Vegas. It is a rare occasion when all 6 of the siblings are in one place at one time. So even though little Lucas was only a week old and our little Reece was two weeks, we got together and celebrated the new babies, and Billy being in town, and to have a big farewell to Ryan. (which btw, he got news that he didn't have to go after all. which disappointed him but made the rest of the family super happy!!) Here's some pictures from that get together.

All the cousins, (except for D.J)
Kade, Sammie holding Reece, Jayden, Lauren, Rylee holding Lucas and Ella, Carson, Lincoln, and Evan. So many little boys!!

Sammie and Rylee holding Lucas and Reece. (Lucas is in the stripes while our little Reeces Pieces is in the green). Little newborn babies are just the sweetest and they bring out the tenderness in just about everyone who holds them.

We had dinner and entertainment while we were there. Kade sang to us in a twang reminiscent of Johny Cash. He sang us songs of Thomas the Train. It was so cute!

Accepting his applause:

It was just fun to hang out with family. I love Chad's family and all the love that they have and share generously.

Grandma Nancy playing with Evan and Ella.

Don't mess with Jayden when he hasn't had his nap! He'll bust a cap on you! (from his cap gun :) )

No, really. All Chad said was "Hi Jayden." I swear I heard Jayden reply "Are you talkin' ta me?"

"I don't see anyone else here..." We love Jayden!! He sure is a cute kid.

Our cute little Reeces pieces is so cute! I can't get enough of him! He makes the cutest facial expressions. I love this kid! And I love it when he stretches!

It was cute to watch all the little ones play. I remember when Chad and I first got married, there was only Sam, Rylee and DJ. And they were 6,4, and 2. Now there is a house full of children, mostly little boys, whenever we get together. Lots of noise and chaos. I love it!

And even though we love any excuss to get together with our family, we really are so happy that the main reason..Ryan deploying to Afghanistan...no longer exists. We love Ryan and we want him to be safe. Even if he is disappointed, we are all relieved.

It was so fun to see the newest little cousins side by side. Reece was born on May 11th and Lucas was born on May 20th. I love that I got to share this whole pregnancy experience with Kari. She is such a special person with so much capacity to love. She has always shown me that love and kindness. She is such a cute little mommy to her little guys, Lincoln and Lucas.

(just keep in mind when looking at this picture, I just had a baby..I am working on getting all tight and toned again..I will get there!! This was taken just weeks after Reece was born, so...that is my excuse.)
We thought it would be fun to take a picture with Traci and her little girl Ella who is 9 months old. It is crazy just how much bigger Ella is, and yet, they are so close in age.

It'll be fun to see these little ones grow. And we all know that these little babies grow so fast!! Reece already looks like a different little baby then he did just 2 weeks ago. And I know that as I am watching my little kiddos grow, I am going to have a whole village of a family out there watching and cheering us on as well.

Just one more reason I love being a mom..

2011-06-04T11:52:00.000-07:00

I was playing around on the computer when I heard two little monsters, walking slowly down the stairs, giggling all the way down. "Mommy look." They both tried to say in between spasms of laughter. When I turned around, Lauren had on my church boots and Evan had on my work shoes (they look like ugly men shoes). "We are a mom and a dad..." which for some reason made then laugh more. They are so funny. I wish I could laugh for 10 minutes straight simply by changing my shoes.

Reece is STD free..in case you were wondering.

2011-05-31T10:28:00.000-07:00

I love having a little man around!! He really is the sweetest little guy. I forgot just how tired you get getting up every 2-3 hours at night time. I forgot just how busy little newborns keep you even though all they do is eat, sleep, and poo. And I also forgot how many hours you "waste" just watching them dream. And how good they smell, or how cute their little grunts and squeaks are.

About a week after Reece was born, I started to notice all of this gunk leaking out of his eyes. I thought at first that it was a clogged tear duct, but then the gunky stuff was making his eyes all crusty and it was a yellowish color. So then I thought that he must have gotten some kind of infection from either Lauren or Evan since they just love to maul him with kissed every chance they get. So I made a Dr's appointment for him and took him in. Our family doc was out of town, so I just made an appointment with some random doctor in the office.

He took all of Reece's measurements and his weight, checked all his vital signs, and did all of the well baby check up things that they do. Then he turned to me and said, "This is where the conversation gets awkward." I, smiled and just inquired about what he could mean. Then he goes into this monologue about how usually when they see an eye infection with a baby this young, it is from an STD. Gonorrhea or Chlamydia. And the only way a baby can get that is through the mother. "Dude," says I, "I would be totally surprised if that was the reason. He couldn't have gotten an infection from my 6 year old or my 3 year old?" Very unlikely, he informed me. Yeah, just as unlikely as me having an STD that I pasted on to my baby. Chad has been my one and only. He then asks me a series of questions that go along the lines of this "Does your husband travel on business? Is he often in meetings late? ect.." I stopped him and said "Chad would see a girl, think she is hot, but then think about the work involved in an affair and skip it. He is to lazy to cheat. (love you Chad)" After about a half hour of trying to convince him that his diagnosis is totally off base, I finally agreed to let him test Reece for Gonorrhea and Chlamydia. He then wanted me to give Reece a series of aggressive shots to treat the STDs, which I would not stand for at all. No way. If it turned out that he did, by some crazy coincidence, have an STD, then yes, poke my child. But until then, I am not putting toxic chemicals into my one week old for no reason at all. I know that the doctor was thinking that I was some poor naive desperate housewife who had a lying cheating husband and I was to blinded by trust to see it. But I know my Chad. So I went home, thinking about what a waste of a perfectly good hour that was. Orange County Choppers was having a marathon on TV. That would have helped Reece and his leaking eye a whole lot better then that visit to the doctors office.

A week later, I still hadn't heard back from the doctors office and I had an appointment to get Reece circumcised, with our wonderful, normal, family doctor. When I told him about Reece's leaking eye, he asked me if the doctor had given Reece eye drops. "Nope, he tested him for STDs." When I said that our doctor rolled his eyes, (which I love!!) checked Reece's chart, assured me the tests came back negative (surprise!), and then checked his eyes for me. Turns out, he did just have clogged tear duct, it was just super clogged. As of today, there is no more gunk crusting up is eye, and no more talk of STDs for my little kiddos.

What a difference a day makes

2011-05-23T13:04:00.000-07:00

The Ultrasound picture was taken on Tuesday May 10th, the other picture was taken Wed May 11th. How cool is that? Just taken one day apart. Oh and, funny story..Chad brought Evan to the hospital while Lauren was at school to meet his little brother. On the way there Evan said "Daddy, you can call him Reece. I want to call him Beans." So Evan calls him Beans.

1 and a half weeks old, and still the most adorable little man around

2011-05-23T09:56:00.000-07:00

Are we just in love with Reece? Heck yes we are! He is such a clam little guy. I was worried beyond belief while I was pregnant with him. I have two little beautys that are angels comparatively speaking. I know that not every child is born the way a mother hopes. I think because I do have an older sister with special needs that I know that the odds are not always stacked up in your favor when you carry an other life inside of you. But then Reece was laid on my chest for the first time. His arms and legs flying in circles as he protested the eviction of his nice warm little cocoon. My heart melted right away. He is here and healthy. I didn't screw up. He is safe and sound. I love my little man. Chad, Lauren and Evan seem to echo my sentiments. I am not sure that there is an other little baby boy alive who isn't more loved on and plaster with kisses then our little Reece is. We sure love that guy.

Here is just a collection of pictures from his first week at home.

It is so cute when he stretches!! He loves to stretch like this. It cracks us up every time.

His first bath at home. He loved it. He just about fell asleep right there in the water.

I think that because this isn't my first rodeo, I totally know just how fast they grow. Before I know it Reece is going to be walking into school on HIS first day of kindergarten, Evan will be a decan, and Lauren will be to busy talking into her cell phone notice much of anything else. So while I have them all young and sweet, I am just going to enjoy them. I haven't read a book in so long, and I no longer have the luxury of just sitting and watching a whole program on T.V. My bed is always filled with one or all of the kids stealing my blankets and using my pillow. The windows are smudged 10 minutes after I clean them and I am never caught up on laundry. And I am enjoying and savoring every single second of it!! I love my life and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Catching up..

2011-05-21T19:52:00.000-07:00

I have been wanting to blog for awhile. It seems like it is all feast of famine when it comes to blogging with me. I either have nothing going on and therefore, nothing of note to blog about; or my life is so busy that I have no time to blog. It has been one of those weeks.

The day before Reece was born, Lauren had a field trip to the Tree House Museum. I so was not in the mood to go. I was contracting, my back and ribs hurt, and I was so tired. But I did realize that I have only a few years left where Lauren will even want me to show up at her school. Soon she will be soooo embarrassed by her mom who still wears converse. So I pulled it together and went, and I am glad I did. I love my little girl and it was fun to see her interact with all her cute little friends.

Here she is with her friends Marley and Mikey.

They play so cute together!

Evan put this whole puzzle together without any help. I was so impressed! Way to go Buddy.

The day after Reece was born, Lauren had her performance of Alice in Wonderland. She played a Dandelion. I missed it, which was a bummer. I so wanted to see it. I was still in the hospital with my newest little guy. Chad said she did amazing. She knew all her lines and said them like a pro. She remembered all her cues. I wish it was on a different day. At the end, they gave her a mini Oscar with their names on it and I made sure Chad got Laruen some flowers.

Yesterday, Lauren's Kindergarten class did a little end of the year performance. Evan and I made it while Chad stayed home with Reece. She was so stinkin' cute up there!! I love watching her little mile stones and accomplishments. I want her to just have as much fun out of life as she can. Suck it up like marrow from a bone. She deserves all that life can give her.

Yesterday, Chad build a tool box with Evan. Evan loves tools and love to build. He is so proud of his tool box and carries it around everywhere.

When he was done, I wanted to take a picture of him with his tool box, but he wanted Lauren in the picture with him. It was way cute.

I need to remember that when they do have their moments when they argue, I am still a lucky mom. They really do love and care for each other. They have each other's back. Their relationship is rare and I really hope that they keep this kind of closeness through out their lives. And that in a nut shell is what has been going on in our lives. I love my kids and I am so grateful that I get to be their mom.

2011-05-15T19:48:00.000-07:00

Every now and then, Heaven and Earth meet up for maybe just a moment. Times when you know that you are shaking hands with Heaven and your heart grows so large you fear it just might burst. I felt it holding hands with Chad across a beautiful alter and saw my future in his eyes. I felt love unfurl like feathered wings when I held Lauren for the first time in my arms, and again when I held Evan. And when I heard Reece cry out when he took his first breath, I felt my breath go out of me. I, once again, was in the company of Heaven. I really believe that you can not get any closer to the creative process then when a mother gives birth to a new little baby, fresh and innocent.

I started feeling contractions the day before Mother's Day. They would be about 1 hour apart from each other and they never got any closer. Which was both agonizing and a relief. In the roller coaster that is our life, Chad got laid off at the end of March and we were still waiting to hear back from work force services to see if I qualified for Medicare. On top of that, I was not a fan of my new doctor and was still on the hunt for one that I would feel comfortable with. So even though I had to deal with contractions every hour on the hour, I was a little relived that they didn't seem to get closer together. Then on Monday, we found out that I did qualify for medicaid and we were able to pre-registrar at Ogden Regional. On Tuesday, I met with Kathy Mark, a midwife at Circle of Life, and LOVED her. And on Wednesday, the contractions started to get closer and closer together. By 1:30, they were like 5 min apart. I took a hot bath and just laid down to relax to see if they would go away because Reece's due date wasn't until the 28th, so I had some time. But instead of going away, they got more intense. By 4:30, they were one right after an other. So Chad called his mom to come over while I laid in agony on the couch. Soon Chad was like, hey we should just get you over there and I will bring the kids back here. So we got in the car and made the two minute drive to Ogden Regional. We got there at 5:30, got a room at 6, where they told me I was at a 5. Chad said good bye to take the kids to his mom and get some magazines so he can have something to do while we settled in for the long wait. However, at 6:30, after my epidural, they checked me again and it turns out that I was complete! I started to cry, of course. You would think that with this being my 3rd, I would get over the nerves, but Chad wasn't there and I couldn't get a hold of him. They were wheeling in all of the equipment and baby extracting gear, and still no Chad. Finally, he walked through the door!! Oh my gosh I was so releaved, and just in time too. Because our mid wife followed right on his heels. 10 minutes later, Dr.Mark had put Reece, all purple and screaming, onto my belly and Chad was cutting the cord. I have never had a delivery that went that quick!! (I don't count the three days of contractions).

It was so nice and amazing to hold this little guy in my arms. All my fears of being able to parent three kids went out the window. My anxiety that I shouldn't have had that blue cheese salad or else I would ruin my baby forever, was gone. 10 fingers and 10 toes, big blue eyes and a healthy pair of lungs was laying in my arms.

Those two days in the hospital where such precious days. Just me and Reece. I love my little Reeces Pieces! He is so precious! 7 ibms, 20 inches long, born at 7:20 on May 11 2011. The kids just adore him. And lets be honest, who wouldn't.

My dad came by with Rita. I may not have my mom, but I have all of these people in my life. I use to worry that I was depriving my kids of a grandma, but I look around and I see all of these others who have steped in and have more then filled that hole for Lauren and Evan, that whole is over flowing with love. They have Rita, who they call Grandma, Chad's mom who is Grandma Nancy, and Chad's step-mom, our sweet sweet Mi Mi.

I love my dad. We gave Reece the middle name of Wesley after my dad.

Grandma Nancy holding Reece.

Auntie Shari came over with my cute nieces and nephew, Sammie, Rylee, and DJ.

She gave me this adorable little outfit, which turned out to be perfect since I didn't have time to pack anything for the hospital. I didn't have an out fit to take Reece home in.

I still can't believe that I have three kids! I still feel to young to be the mother of three!

I love my little guy. I spend my days trying waiting for those little moments where time slows so that I can hold him and kiss his soft cheeks. I relish the sounds of his grunts and even his crys..which sounds like a peacock I kid you not!! It makes me laugh every time he does it. I just love being a mom. Any sacrifice and hardship vanishes when I hold him in my arms. I am just so in love.

Movie Night..

2011-05-08T09:20:00.000-07:00

Every now and then, we have a movie night where the kids get to pick the movie. When it's Lauren's turn to pick, it is always "Tangled" and Evan always chooses "Megamind." Sometimes they surprise me and throw in "Despicable Me" or "How to Train your Dragon." But for the most part, they reuse, reduce and recycle their choices for movie night. They are very green when it comes to their preferences. It started when Chad was out of town working for his Dad, and now it is a "thing" that we do. We push the couches together and make one big "bed" throw in some pillows and blankets, put on a movie and get all cozy. Nine times out of ten, the kids pass out after a half an hour and we let them sleep there the rest of the night.

They always look so sweet to me when they are asleep. I always think about the times through out the day where I could have been kinder and softer to them. They are just kids, exploring and learning. I always feel in my heart when I see them sleeping that I need to allow them that more often. You only have one childhood. Just once where you have no worries and no real responsibility. I need to make this small magical chapter last in their life before bills, mortgage, and other worries start to creep into their lives.

I am still learning. I feel like one of these days someone is going to find me out and say "HA!! You really don't know what your doing, your just making it up as you go along." And they would be right. I sometimes feel like being a parent is like someone handing you the keys to a race car without any instruction. The only advice is don't crash and burn. Then you have to try your hardest to navigate all the twist and turns of parenthood while trying your hardest to look like your on top of every thing. I am always grateful that these little ones seem to only remember the times you get it right, and not the times where you do end up crashing and burning.

And no matter how impatient or cranky I seem to be on one day or an other, they still circle my neck with there little arms and tell me "I love you Mommy." If we could only treat others the way a child does, I am pretty sure that the world would be full of peace and sand boxes.

(Please excuss Evan. He seems to wear chocolate a great deal better then he eats it.)

Easter 2011

2011-04-25T12:18:00.000-07:00

I did it!! I remembered this year!! If you remember, last year I totally spaced it. And the fact that Lauren has been reminding me NOT to forget this year like I did last year just might be the reason that I remembered. Who ever said that kids forget have never met Laruen. She has the memory of an elephant. Our Easter extravaganza started Sunday night with Easter egg dying. (I did remember Easter, but I never said I did it on time, opps) This year was so much fun because both Lauren and Evan where way into it. It was cute.

I LOVE THESE KIDS!! How lucky am I!

My theory is, if they don't make a mess then they didn't have fun. So judging by their mess, they had lots of fun!

After they went to sleep, Chad put together their Easter baskets. He wanted to do it like how his mom did it for him. He had such good memories of searching for his basket and just how his mom put it all together. So it was his job to do it. I love it, I thought it was so sweet that he wanted to so badly.

Here is the finished products.

Then we hid the baskets. After Lauren came home from school, we let her and Evan loose on the house to find their baskets. It was cute and fun.
Evan found his first.

After a game of "hot and cold", Lauren found hers too.

I think that this way of doing the baskets was such a hit, they loved it and were so excited. It just might be a tradition that's a keeper.

Oscar was even a fan! But to be fair, Oscar has kind of a sweet tooth. I love my kitty.

(Don't you just love my new kitchen floor, I do..totally off the topic, but I had to point it out). After we got them all high on sugar, we took them outside to hunt for their eggs. I am so impressed with my kids. I love that they spent the whole time helping each other find eggs instead of going all crazy looking for all the eggs for themselves. What sweet hearts I have! It makes me nervous that this little #3 that is cooking is going to be a bit of a hoodlum. Well see, you never can tell.

So Easter might have come a little late this year, but at least it came. And judging by my kids faces, they didn't seem to mind at all.

What we have been up to while I have been MIA..

2011-04-25T11:20:00.000-07:00

I have wanted to blog for so long, but to tell you the truth I just didn't have it in me. It has taken all my mental and physical energy just to get up in the morning and get Lauren and Evan fed. The Qubo channel has been going almost non stop at our house for months now while I lie on the couch moaning and desperately trying to find the will to get up and make lunch. Evan illustrated how horrible it has been for me this third time around just last night. He started coughing and ran to the bathroom, lifted up the lid and stood over the toilet. When I asked if he was going to throw up, he said, "no I just coughing." We laughed about it, but every time I start to cough just a little bit, I have to run to the bathroom because inevitably something is going to come on up and out. So as you can imagine, all my energy has been spent elsewhere and the blogging world had to be put on hold for a little bit. But life in the Triplett house didn't stand still, even if I did. Here is some of the things that have been going on.

Lauren lost an other tooth. She has been working on this one loose tooth for a while now. She doesn't just yank out a tooth once she feels it's loose. It takes weeks and weeks before that sucker pops out. She waits until it falls out on it's own, wiggling it back and forth in the mean time.

Here is a couple shots of her little snaggle tooth a couple of days before it popped out.

And here is her cute little toothless grin. Love her!! Her tooth fell out in the middle of the night and we can't find it. It is somewhere tangled in her blankets. I wonder if she swallowed it? Huh? Anyway. Her little smile is so cute with one missing tooth on top and one on the bottom.

Our Kitchen floor. A while ago, we got some laminate floor that looks like tile. We just hadn't gotten around to laying it down yet. I was so excited because I have never had a kitchen floor since we moved in!! There just always seemed to be other more pressing things that needed attention. But finally, after a good break down, we put money aside to make sure I had a nice kitchen floor. Good things come to those who wait. Slowly, room by room, project by project, my house is starting to look like a home. We just don't have the luxury to re do a whole room and then some in just a matter of months. We need to pick and choose what is most important and hold off on the rest. But I don't mind. I love my house, and these little improvements just make me love it more.

Next, I want to paint the walls and cupboards. I like my kitchen now, and I can almost imagine it with a fresh coat of paint and newish looking cupboards and it makes me know that one day I am going to just love my kitchen!!

Evan and I in the kitchen on the half finished floor. I really didn't get an after shot, but my in some of my Easter pictures, you can see the finished floor. I will do a post on Easter next :)
Every time we do a project, we write our names and date in the wall or behind something. Some where in our walls is the rose Chad gave me when he proposed and a picture of us. We have gone from just the two of us to almost 5 of us. I love that we have grown into a family in this house.

Here is Lauren and Evan drawing and writing little messages behind where the oven normally goes.

Sleeping!! A couple of weeks ago, at about 3 in the morning, we had to call an ambulance for me. I was in so much pain. And let me tell you, I know about pain. I have had Kidney stones twice, a ruptured cyst on my ovaries, and I have had two babies. So when I say that this was literally the worst pain I have ever ever ever been in my whole life, you can gage it against all my past pains as a barometer. I couldn't move my head or neck. After much consideration, we realized that I had all of the symptoms of meningitis. It turns out that I had a sever sinus infection with a very sever migraine. Although when I told the ER doctor all my symptoms, he too was convinced that it was meningitis. I am glad it turned out not to be. Well, I was home by 5 AM, all shot up with Demerol and ambien and I went strait to bed. I wouldn't wake up for two days..literally. I have never in my life slept for two days straight. I only got up every 4-6 hours asking Chad if it was time for more pain medicine. Then finally, I woke up with faint pain and not all encompassing pain. I could have cried with relief! It was seriously a nightmare and I am so grateful for Chad and all that he did for me during that time. But when I woke up..the kids where happy clean and fed, the animals had full bellies and were content, the house was..um..not..burned to the ground. It was still standing. Although it did look a bit like a crime scene.

A wonderful father he is, the best around! A close to perfect husband with endless patience and a big heart chalk full of sensitivity and understanding he is. A good cook and house keeper, he is not. But I love him for all of his flaws (which, lets face it, if that is the worst I can say about Chad, then I am a lucky girl) as well as his strengths. It did show me that when I feel like I am not making a difference, I really am. I was down and out for only two days and look what happened! Lauren let me know that I am not allowed to sleep that long again because daddy is good, but "he doesn't do the soft stuff as well." So, that in a nut shell, is our crazy life the past couple of months. 4 more weeks until D day!! yeah, I am counting down.

Baby Shower for Reece

2011-04-25T08:01:00.001-07:00

I know that it has been a while since I logged in and posted anything. In lieu of a long post about all my pregnancy aches and pains, let me just say that I have been sick sick sick. And after months and months of marathon vomiting sessions and one ambulance ride later, I think I might just be doing better. Aside from the never abating pain in my back and ribs, life is now taken a level of normalcy. A good little breather before our little guy makes his debut. So instead of dwelling on the negative, I will jump into the positive. My sister was in town not to long ago. After our little Christmas fiasco and the consequential discussion afterward, I really think that she is trying hard to maintain a relationship and not letting the epic guilt trips that my mom can lay on keep her from seeing her sister (me). While she was out, she offered to throw me a baby shower, which is awesome because Chad (brace for a little bit of bad news) just got laid off and we have nothing for a baby. It has been almost 4 years since a little one grew inside of me. So the offer was a good one that I jumped on. I was just nervous that no one would show up, given my history with that side of the family. But in the end, it was a nice turn out. I didn't get to see as many faces as I would have loved to see, but the ones I got to see were such a beautiful site.

Here is me and my super cute sister in law Kari. We are due at the exact same time!! Which is so fun for me. But given that I have a history of going 2-3 weeks early, and she has gone over her due date with her first, chances are that the stork will visit me first. But still, it is going to be fun. She is also having a little guy. I just wish my sweet sister in law lived a little closer.

My ever growing and very cute niece Rylee, my sister in law Shari, and my sister in law Traci. I believe that when we have challenges and trials in our life, we get strength from somewhere else. I might not have the kind of relationship I want with my mom and brother and sisters (although I see a light at the end of the tunnel with Natalie..I am cautiously optimistic.) I have amazing in laws. There hearts are so big and they have loved me through good times and bad. Just being sisters...I am lucky. Because I also have a great Mother in law, Nancy.

I consider myself very lucky all in all. (if I look super uncomfortable in these pictures, there is a good reason, it is because I am.)

And get ready for this family connection...this is my step-mom Rita's mom Judy and Rita's son's wife Sarah...got that. I thought it was so sweet that they came.

My cute cousin's Jennifer and Angie.

More cute cousin's Kayli and Jill. Jill, herself just had a baby 2 weeks prior to the shower, so it really meant so much to me that she would take the time to drive up and come. I miss my family. I wish so much that I could go to family reunions and weddings and showers, but I just can't. I really hope that my family understands my deliema. I really do hope and pray for a change. I wish my mom's heart would be softened and that she will reach some kind of understanding. I wish she could see how much Chad and I love and care for each other and how happy I am in my own home life. I am sad that she had never seen Evan and chances are will not see Reece. It breaks my heart to think of how much she is missing..and for what..to be right? I am more sad for her then I am angry anymore. Any way, I got off track. Check out these cute little baby boys that were there at the shower. It made me really get excited to see my little man.

There is something so sweet about a little baby. There is nothing on this earth more pure and innocent. I can't wait for that same sweet innocence to come home to our house. (which could happen as early as next week..) To hold a little slice of heaven in your arms, is there no greater gift?

Be my VALENTINE!

2011-02-14T20:21:00.000-08:00

I love this man. I am so grateful that, for me, Valentines is an everyday thing. We don't need to look at a calender to remember to show each other that we love each other.

If you can't read what that picture says..it says "According to Greek Mythology..The first humans were created with 4 arms, legs, and eyes & two noses and mouths. Afraid of their power, Zues split them in half, leaving them to find their other half. These people are called our Soulmates."
One good thing for me about working is I get to see just how unique the love that Chad and I share is. It truely is one in a million. I am so glad that I found my "soul mate" , my other half. Love you Chad!

24 weeks

2011-02-07T11:20:00.003-08:00

I am now 24 weeks. I am on the down hill side of pregnancy. This pregnancy has gone by super fast and painfully slow at the same time. I can't believe I am already at the 6 month mark. I feel fat all the time. I can't breath, and I am perpetually sick. I had gotten ride of a cold that hung on for a month and a half. I was well for two weeks, and now I have picked up an other cold. I think it should be illegal for pregnant girls to get sick. Just when I think that all I can do and feel is all the blah parts of pregnancy, I feel the baby move. It is the most amazing feeling in the world to feel life inside of you. It is indescribable. Reece loves to move around late at night. My favorite part of the day is around 7, laying on the couch and feeling Reece do summer salts and practicing his high kicks in my tummy. I love it. It is like a little secret that only he and I share. I would gladly take all the bad that comes along with pregnancy (well, maybe not the heart burn) to be able to feel this little guy kick me from the inside. A couple days ago was my target ultra sound. I love the 4D ultra sound pictures. It is amazing to see their little features. Reece looks just like Evan. It is such a wow moment to be able to see this human being that is being made slowly through out the months. To see him suck his thumb and rub his eyes..he is a person..and I get to be his mom. How awesome is that.

It is crazy to see just how much he looks like Lauren and Evan already. I am anxious to kiss that little face of his.

Can you tell that he is rubbing his eyes? I love how his little fists are up right by his face.

16 weeks left to go!! I can handle that..

8 is Gr8t!

2011-02-01T13:17:00.001-08:00

We have hit a mile stone..again. This same mile stone seems to come around annually. We have officially been blissfully in love for 8 years. How many people can say that these days? I am so happy that I get to be one of the great ones who have found their one great love. I don't even have a "maybe guy." You know, the guy you think that what would have happened if you maybe had married him instead? There is no one else out there for me, in my past or in my future. He is and always has been the one, for lack of a better term. I thought that since we reached our 8 year mark, and since I am a virgo (and you know how we Virgos just love lists!) I would list 8 things that make Chad perfect for me.

1-When he finds out that there is something I want, he works hard to get it for me. The first thing he ever got me was a Dixie Chicks CD. Just before their Home album came out, I was listening to it in the car while I waited for Chad at the Park and Ride just off of Kanan Rd in Augora. It's where we would met up a lot while we were dating. Anyway, I was listening to the radio and they were playing the whole album straight through because it was being released the next day. Chad asked what I was listening to and I told him (I loved the Dixie Chicks at the time). Chad HATES country music, but loves me. So the next day, he stood in line for hours to get me their CD, which he gave me that night when we met up again at the Park and Ride just off of Kanan Rd again. And that is just what he is like. When he knows I want something, he tries his hardest to get if for me.

2-He makes me laugh EVERY DAY! But the best part is, he is not trying to be funny. Like the time he tried to cook pancakes in the microwave, or when he got lost in the frozen food section in the grocery store looking for flour tortillas for me. Or when he takes a piece of cake that I happen to make, he always cuts a big whole in the middle and scoops out the middle because that is his favorite part. It always makes me happy when I see a big whole in the center of a freshly made cake.

3-Chad would have been a perfect 1950s husband. Don't get me wrong, he gets his hands dirty when he needs to, but he isn't very good at the cooking-cleaning-mr.mom-modern-man thing that is going on right now. He has his man roles and I have my girly roles. That means that if we want dinner, I cook it. But he isn't a Neanderthal.

If I am to tired to do housework, he doesn't complain. If I haven't gotten around to cleaning his shirts for work, and he has to dig one out of the laundry and spray some febreze on it, he never gets mad at me. If I don't feel like cooking, then he will cover dinner for us (usually with a call to Domino's, but you will never hear me complain about that one. No cooking, no dishes, no problem) He has never said to me "What have you been doing all day long while I have been working?" It is a stupid man that uses that phrase, just sayin'. In other words, he might not to much cooking and cleaning, but he is so understanding and sweet to me about my lack of house keeping skills. He never complains, and a lot of time he really does have a right to.

4-We talk at least once an hour through out the day. Even if it is a quick "I love you." The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is call him at work. I love that I still get excited over a phone call from that super cute boy I just met like, oh my gosh, 8 years ago!!

5-I fit perfectly in the little crook in his arm when we are all just chillin' on the couch. We decided long before little munchkins took over our life and energy, that we would always sit right next to each other, and we do. In a restaurant, at church, at home on the couch. We are always sitting side by side. I think that it is those little things that keep you in love. We hold hands when we walk and we give each other little hugs and small kisses just when ever. I love him, and I love that he still looks at me today like it is the first time he has ever seen me.

6-He is a wonderful daddy. He isn't just a dad, he is a daddy. He loves to play with the kids and is always finding little ways of making them feel special and loved.

A lot of time, my first instinct is to tell them no. Chad has taught me that it is ok to let them play on the little merry go round in the mall, or it's no big deal to get them a glow stick-even if it is done glowing in an hour. As long as they are loving it and having fun, then it's worth it.

7-I love hearing the sound of his voice as he is trying to read scriptures over the choas of kids, or the gentle tenor of his voice as he says family prayers. I love that I have someone who tries to teach and guide Lauren and Evan, but not to force them. He leads this family with a heart full of love, and it spills out into every room in the house.

8-I love that after 8 years, 2 1/2 kids, a house payment, bills, ups and downs, and given all I know now, my answer would still be yes.

Chad and I have a song, which is so cheesy, but there you have it. It is Kenny Loggins "Danny's Song." Here is the chorus to that song:
And even though we ain't got money, I'm so in love with ya honey,
And everything will bring a chain of love.
And in the morning when I rise, you bring a tear of joy to my eyes,
And tell me everything is gonna be alright

Happy Anniversary to my sweet husband. I love you more and more every day. I am so glad that we have kept that chain of love going strong.

Reece's Room.

2011-01-31T15:53:00.000-08:00

I had bought some paint so long ago to paint a room upstairs for Lauren and Evan to share, but we just never got around to it. Mostly because there is still some wall paper on the walls, and peeling wall paper sucks! But I so want them to have a real room. Currently, Lauren shares a room with the tread mill. Not a fun room for a 6 year old. On top of that, both her and Evan have been begging to share a room for about a year now. I totally understand that someday soon, instead of hearing them play and beg to share a room together, I will hear a raised voice or two declaring "get out of my stuff!!" quickly followed by a slammed door. So I think, for the time being, why not let them share. It came more urgent to get an other room set up when we found out that we were adding to the Triplett household. (the room I want to use for Lauren and Evan holds all our junk that has been in boxes since we moved in 7 years ago). I also sooo want Chad's bow flex to have a room of it's own so that I can have a dinning room. This weekend, we decided (by we, I mean me) that we were going to just paint the walls in Reece's room (which Evan is a current resident of), get Laruen and Evan set up in there, and then work on the big room for them next. It will give us some more wall paper peeling time. So that is what we did. We still need carpet. I am putting aside some of my tip money each week. I am hoping that in a couple of months we will have enough to carpet the room. But the kids don't seem to mind to much. And they love to share that room (so far).
PREPING:

PLAYING:

PAINTING:

Lauren and Evan were such good little helpers! They were experts on globbing the walls as much paint as their paint brushes could hold. They did such a good job of it that all Chad and I had to do was come behind them and smooth out all the paint. Not once did we have to apply paint to the walls ourselves. They had so much fun and I loved the fact that they got to paint their own room.

Arn't they the cutest little painters you have ever seen? I love the paint on Evan's face. It makes me smile.

After we get enough together to get some carpet in that room, I am going to put on this decal on the wall for Reece.

When we were putting the paint on the wall, I was slightly disappointed at first. You couldn't see that the paint was blue. I wanted a light blue, but it seemed like it was just a barley-there-almost-white-kind-of-blue. But after it had time to dry, it was a nice shade of blue, not to light but defiantly not to dark either. Just perfect for a little baby boy. Lauren and Evan wanted to sleep in there the next night. So all that is in there for now is Lauren's mattress, Evan's toddler bed and a bunch of books and blankets. I think that I will keep it that way for a while. When Reece is born and Lauren and Evan are across the hall in the bigger room, I will do it all up to look like a cute modern nursery. And Lauren and Evan will have a bunk bed that my dad has stored in his basement and a nice room for the two of them. I just don't want to set up that room all cute for only a couple of months, only to switch it all out again.

The Simple Things.

2011-01-31T10:48:00.000-08:00

Everyone seems to be chasing something. Money, prestige, acclamation, whatever. I think that people believe that if they get more money, prestige or acclaim, they will be happy. But I don't think that is true. I think you find joy in the little things in life. There is a reason why people say to take time to smell the roses. My kids have taught me how to look at things and just take the time to see the beauty and joy in a moment. The simple things, like a bright pink sunset.

The bills might be due, the car might need new breaks, the washing machine could totally be on it's way out, but that doesn't mean we can't take a quiet moment to stand in awe of a sunset. Take a lesson from my little ones and enjoy the little beautys all around us, I did.

2011-01-18T11:25:00.000-08:00

I have made a discovery as of late. It has been a 5 year journey to come to an understanding of how things are in my family. The reason I am writing it on my blog is two fold. My blog is my history, my thoughts, my feelings, and surprisingly, my therapy as well. Recently, my sister expressed her concerns to me for writing certain things on my blog, but it is the only form where I can be completely honest and transparent without feeling embarrassed. Also, I feel that the friends and family who have read my blog have helped me out through a lot of trying times. Your encouragement and support, though cyber, has made me feel uplifted and strong. You have been on this same journey with me.

I have, for many years, felt like there is something wrong with me. Something that is lacking and unlovable. I have worked hard in all my relationships to be all that that person needs. It goes beyond a "people pleasing" personality. I really have a fear that I am not good enough, and never will be. And therefore, I try so hard to be good enough. I always feel like a little girl around people. It doesn't matter who or how old that person might be. I always feel inferior. I have struggled with that. I am smart and capable. I am good at things, I am good at a lot of things as a matter of fact. I am an artist and a writer. I am a good mother and wife. Everything I decided to learn, I pick up on quickly. But all that doesn't seem to matter. I always feel like a little girl. I never feel like I fit in anywhere. I always feel like an outsider. My relationship with Chad was the first time in my life where I felt like I belonged, it felt like I had finally come home. I feel like I can be myself without judgment of ridicule. He makes me feel safe to be me, all of me, the bad as well as the good. He loves it all. But for most of my life, I really felt like an observer and not a participant. I am working on that as well. I feel unworthy of praise. I don't think that what I do and who I am is worth praising. I can't take a complement. I am always waiting for the "but.." to follow. I know that no matter how good I am, I am never good enough. There is always a flaw to work on. I am not telling you all this so that I can get sympathy or so I can wallow is self pity, I am just saying that this is how I am. Chad has worked hard through out the years of our marriage to try and get me to see what he sees in me. He has worked to help me see the me that I am. I can honestly say that I like myself a little more each day because Chad points out all the good things I do on a daily basis. He constantly builds me up. I sometimes wonder where I would be without him in my life.

I tell you all this because I am now understanding why I have these traits. Where they come from and how they were built through out the years. I always thought that this rift between my mom and I started the day that I married Chad, but I was wrong. It started the day that I was born. I was surfing the internet, trying desperately like I have been trying for the past 5 years, to understand what went wrong with my mother and I, when I came across a sight about Characteristics of a Narcissistic mother and I was floored. Everything from the way I was raised, to my family dynamic now (in relation to my siblings), as well as lack of self worth that I have been battling through out the years were all spelled out on that web page. I have since done more research and I am more convinced that my mom is a narcissist. I am also very much aware that some of my family would very much disagree with me. They would argue that my mom was doing and saying these things out of love and concern, but it is not an act love and concern to cut your daughter and her family out of your life. I have been reading forms and visiting sites these past couple of weeks and I am just astounded at the similar experiences, thoughts and feelings that all these women who have had narcissistic mother's share with me.

I share this discovery with you because it makes me feel like there is nothing wrong with me. I feel free of this cage that I have lived in. This cage built of guilt of the feelings of lacking. This cage called "not good enough". How would it be to live your life feeling not good enough for you own mother, the one person who should be giving you unconditional love and support? Well I am done living in that world. I have already lost my mother, my sisters and my brother for doing nothing more then standing up for what I believe to be right. The only thing I have left is my own truth and I refuse to color it in a shade that would please my mom. It might not be pretty, but it is real. Now that I know the truth, I have this lightness about me. I feel free. I have still felt under the control of my mom all these years. I also know that people will believe what they want to believe. All I can do is know my truth and try to live as authentically as I can to that truth. And this is my truth.

I have an amazing husband who puts my needs above his own as a life style, not an obligation. He looks at me and feels just as lucky as I feel to be married to him. Wow, what a gift. I have these two kids whose imagination, innocence and zest for life is a lesson and a joy to me everyday. I am consistently learning and growing in their presence. I no longer fear that my relationship with Lauren will turn out like mine and my mother's relationship. It is so important to me to make my children feel loved, not to satisfy my own self, but to give them a gift of unconditional love. They have no requirements to meet, no obligations to fill, no ego to satisfy. They only have to be themselves, whatever that self may turn out to be. I don't care. I just want them to know that their mother loves them for who they are and not what they can do for me. And I hope that Lauren meets and marrys someone as good and kind as her dad. This is my truth.

I do know that this isn't an end to my journey, just an other door to walk through, an other understanding met. I need to take this information and continue to heal and grow. But it is such a good start to finally understand. I feel peace now. Mostly because I have stopped blaming myself. I look back on things and I see words I said that I wish I could unsay, but I know that I did what was right. Every time Evan smiles, I know I made the right decision. Every time I feel this baby move inside of me, I know I made the right decision. Every time I see Chad read a book to Lauren, I know I made the right decision. I am a lot stronger then I have always thought. I thought I was weak. But I am not. I thought I was always wrong, always flawed, never good enough, lacking in all areas, but I was wrong. I don't know if I could ever have a relationship with my mom. But for the first time in 5 years, I feel like the decision is in my control, my choice. Whenever I am sick, I apologize to Chad for feeling sick. Whenever I couldn't get around to the housework, I apologize. Whenever anything happens that may or may not be my fault, I apologize. For my opinions, my thoughts, my deeds, my actions, my existence, I apologize. Chad has always tried to work with me about not apologizing for certain things. It's ok to be sick, and if I am tired, then it's ok to take a nap. I am done apologizing for things that are out of my control. (easier said then done. But at least I am aware now)

I have so much information and feelings swimming around inside of me. I know that this is a long post, but it really is the tip of the ice burg of all that is going on inside of my head right now. Everything makes scene now. Every confusing childhood memory now has an explanation. There really is freedom in truth, even if that truth is an ugly truth.

If anyone is interested in the Charactoristics of a Narcissitic mother, here is the website that I found. here

20 weeks down...20 to go...

2011-01-06T11:29:00.001-08:00

I have reached the half way point this pregnancy. I will be honest with you, it has not been fun. You know when people ask "How are you feeling?" Are you ever honest with them, or do you tell them, "Oh I'm great! Just fine."? Because I do the "Oh I'm great! Just fine." thing. I don't think they really want to hear me vent about all my aches and pains. I know the real definition of 'grin and bear it' (or is it bare?).

I have massive heart burn. I literally feel like I am being burned alive from the inside out. And I have tried everything for the good old tums to apple cider vinegar. I had heart burn with Lauren and Evan as well, but this time it's like the apocalypses is happening inside my chest! I can't breath at all. This is something that I try and explain to many. Everyone always comments on how small I am while pregnant, and I am, I'm lucky that way. But the reason why is I carry my kiddos in my back. The up side is I have never worn any kind of maternity clothes, the down side is, from 4 month on, I breath like a 80 year old smoker. And forget about energy, it's just a lost dream. And my morning sickness has just followed my from my first trimester into the second. That is a new development from my last two pregnancies. And not a fun one. Evan says on a daily basis "Oh I have heartburn Mommy, I gonna throw up."

But even with all the pregnancy woes, I go to bed every night with a smile on my face. I complain, but I do it in a whimsical way. I love the feel of Rhys doing gymnastics in my belly. I love that I push on my belly, and I always get a little nudge back. It's like a little game we play together. I love Lauren and Evan's little figures on my belly, and the light in their eyes when they feel Rhys kick. It has been 3 years since I was pregnant last. And for every heart burn attack, and interrupted night sleep, there is a little kick and flip going on in my tummy. Kind of like a little reminder or encouragement that all good things come to all of us who endure the bad. There is opposition in all thing. So I might not always like the little bumps and headaches that comes along with pregnancy, I do love all the rewards, and that makes all the difference.

(umm..for my sake, lets just pretend that I have make up on and my hair done in this pictures. Let's just pretend that I look amazing and lets not point out that you can see how tired I am because it is written all over my face. Thanks guys.)

What was she....doing....?

2011-01-04T11:12:00.000-08:00

An amazing thing happened last night, Lauren fell asleep BEFORE ten last night. I went in to check on her and this is what I saw...

If your thinking "What the.." then your not alone. I ran out to grab the camera and Chad. I couldn't stop laughing. Silly girl!

We laughed for like 10 min. And everytime we thought we had things under control, all we had to do was look at her again and we were a mess of giggles all over again. I totally realize that we are her parents, therefore, this little night time scene is alot more amusing to us then it might be to the average viewer. But I still had to share. Funny girl! I wish I could fall asleep with a "slap-in" bracelet on my mouth and be totally comfortable too.

She had been playing with her make-up the last time we checked in on her. I think she just must have closed her eyes for a second, and then was out. We, of course, removed the bracelet from her mouth after we took many pictures and had our good laugh. I love kids..they just do the funniest things.

6 years of lessons in love

2011-01-02T20:00:00.000-08:00

Lauren is this amazing little girl who teaches me new things everyday. The most important lesson she has taught me is the way to love sincerely. And in response, I have a small understanding of what my Heavenly Father must feel for me. This love like no other came into my life 6 years ago on the night of December 29th, 2004. I got to hold her little body in my arms for the first time. I felt my heart melt and grow all at once. And every day since then, my heart has continued in the whole melting and growing process. She shows the simple joys of the flight of a butterfly can bring, or the soft breeze on my face as I gazed at the ever changing shapes of the clouds above our heads. She has taught me the ability to laugh at myself and to not take myself to seriously. The imaginative way she looks at this world and her always sunny side up attitude has made me realize that life is about the little things. Like the two marshmallows stuck together, or the joy of being the one who gets to eat the last cookie. The pleasure of coloring outside the lines, or the dance party in our living room. She is nothing but joy. And she is my joy. I love my Lauren and everyday I feel such humility that I get to be her mother. What an insurmountable honor it is to be the one that gets to watch her grow and mature. Happy Birthday my little girl. I love you with all my heart.

We have been battling this horrible cold that seems to be more co-dependent then Brittny Spears. But Lauren woke up so excited that on this day, she was 6. She said "yesterday I was 5, but not today. Because today I am 6!" So I ask you, how could we just let this day pass sitting in front of a humidifier smelling of Vicks Vapor rub? The answer, there is no way we could. So we draged ourself out of the house and into the car to celebrate. But our first stop was up to Morgan. Evan had a dentist appointment. And yes, I know that there are capable dentists just down the street from me, but I have been going to the same dentist since I was in high school and it is fun for me to take my kids there too. It was Evan's very first Dentist's appointment and the kid was a champ. He had no cavities. When we told them that we would like them to take x-rays of his teeth to see if everything was good, they let us know that 3 year olds just don't do x-rays, but they would try. Evan totally rocked it! (and everything is good).

On our way home, Chad had me check the movie times at the Megaplex. We were in luck, Narnia was about to start, so we booked it over there. We had fun. We spent way to much on candy and pop corn and totally self indulged in the name of celebrating Lauren's birthday.

I love how we spend money on seats, but Lauren and Evan always end up sitting on the steps.

All day long, Lauren kept mentioning that she wanted to go to Applebee's. When we asked her if we could just go to McDonalds instead, then her and Evan can play, she said no. She wanted to go eat somewhere where they sing to you on your birthday. She we went to Applebee's. She was so happy. She didn't even touch her food. She sat there the whole time in anticipation of the servers coming out to sing to her. It was all she wanted and almost to hard for her to wait.

(remember when you look at this frightful picture of me that we had been battling epic colds)

Ironically, the last time that we went to Applebee's, it was in the middle of a snow storm and on Lauren's birthday, there was a snow storm. And Evan got the pleasure of seeing a snow plow in the parking lot again.

Then when the anticipation was almost more then Lauren could bare, they came out singing and clapping and it was all for her. Her eyes were literally shining. We couldn't have gotten a bigger smile for her if we had gotten her the world. It was her own personal cloud nine. See, the simple pleasures are the greatest.

She has been nothing but a joy for the past 6 years of my life. Everyday I wonder how I could be so lucky to have such a fun, quirky, sweet, tender-hearted little girl in my life. She literally is my dream come true. I love my Lauren.

Christmas 2010

2010-12-29T21:13:00.000-08:00

I really thought that if I let Lauren and Evan stay up late that they would get up late on Christmas day...yeah, no such luck. Evan came into our bedroom at 6 in the morning, his little head just poking up over the bed. In a tiny voice he said "Hey Mommy, is it Christmas time yet?" Lauren soon followed by waking up at 7, but I made them stay in bed (mean mom) until at least 8. Oh were they excited to dig in to the big pile of gifts at the foot of our tree. So excited! They didn't like my suggestion that we eat breakfast first. Once "A Christmas Story" was safely playing on TV and Chad had found his little nook in the couch, we were ready. Let the Mayhem begin!

This year was so much fun for me. Chad and I don't generally get each other anything for Christmas, so it was all about Lauren and Evan. And it was the first time since Lauren was a baby that Chad and I were about to buy Christmas ourselves. I know I keep saying that, but it is kind of a big deal for me. I got to get my kids there Christmas!! It was an exciting thing for me as a mom. Lauren and Evan both agree that their favorite gifts are their pillow pets. They loved them! Evan also love his view finder that I got them on a whim, who knew? He calls it his "looking thingy". Lauren has loves her barbie dolls, she got three! The Barbie from Toy Story 3, the fairy Rosetta, and a Tangled doll for my dad. She has been playing with them ever since.

Lauren's gifts

Evan's gifts

And their shared gifts.

In less then an hour, all the months of planing and deal searching had come to an end, and both Lauren and Evan were busy playing with their new play dough, which is a big hit. They love it, Mommy doesn't really like the clean up so much. Thank goodness for wood floors! Here is some shots of the aftermath, the pure destruction, and all that delightful mess was after I had worked hard to clean up all the wrapping paper as they went. I had already filled up two garbage bags full before I gave up.

I have a theory. The bigger the mess, the more fun the Christmas. So as you can plainly tell, we had a blast! But after all was said and done, we had about an hour to get ourselves cleaned up (the house would have to wait) so that we could have Christmas lunch at my Dad's house in Farr West. I am so grateful for my Dad. He knows, better then most, all my little hurts. He has been there for me my whole life, and it is nice to know that he always will be. Everyone needs someone who will love them no matter what. He is more then just a dad, he is a daddy. The first thing the kids wanted to do when they got to Grandpa and Grandma's house was open their presents.

Lauren got the dolls from the movie Tangled. She loves it!

And Evan got a big Woody doll. You can pull his string and he talks.."Theres a snake in my boots.." Evan loves it. He has been sleeping with it every night since Christmas.

I really have been blessed. Sometimes I get feeling down about things, but my dad is awesome and he married a real sweet girl with real sweet girls of her own. My step sisters Samantha and Serina are awesome. They love my kids and they are so much fun to be around. Sometimes, we need to learn to look at all we have and not worry so much about things that are out of our control. We need to stop wishing for things that might not happen and embrace all the little moments of wonderful around us.

(at the top: Rita, Lauren, and my dad. Middle: Sam, Evan, and Me. Bottom: Serina, and Chad). You think that with all of that, we would be done for the day. But we weren't. We had one more family party to get to, and it was a drive. Chad's sister Kari just had a new house built in Herriman, so we all drove out there to see it and our family too.

Kari is due two days before me. Isn't she a cute pregnant girl? It has been so fun for me to be pregnant at the same time as her.

Lauren and her newest cousin Ella. Ella is the first girl since Lauren was born. There are six baby boys born in between. Chad's family is an other area where I have been blessed. They are so good to me and are always there for me. Even when Chad and I were having our difficult growing pains, they still showed me love and support and would listen if I called crying. I guess that is what family does for each other though, isn't it.

(R-L: Billy, Kari, Ryan, Shari, Chad, and Traci..and Mom Nancy up in front.)

It was a Christmas full of different highs and lows. Lessons learned, tears shed, and family found. I hope that everyone has had someone to love them this season. Because the gift of true family is the best gift to be given or received. Merry Christmas to all my friends and family.

Christmas time highs and lows

2010-12-27T10:00:00.000-08:00

I was so excited for Christmas morning. I was like a kid in a candy store. The presents were stacked under the tree for weeks as if to mock both myself and the kids with the reality that all good things come to those who wait. I was excited for two reasons. I don't know if most of you remember, but Chad and I couldn't even afford food last year, let alone Christmas for our kids. It was a heartbreaking reality to confront. It was humbling and humiliating to realize that you can't get for your kids even just a basic Christmas. Some friends stepped in to give our kids what we couldn't. And I vowed that year that if we ever get out of this, I would do all I could to pay it forward because there was no way I could pay it back. It was the sweetest most selfless thing for all of you to do. Help came in many forms, from supportive e mails and phone calls, to presents for our kids, food at our door, and gift cards. Last year, I truly understood that phrase, "It takes a Village" because without our little village, Laruen and Evan would have had nothing that year.
So this year, it was fun for me to be able to buy my kids their Christmas this year. I tryed to do it smart, I paid cash for everything, and I started shopping right after Halloween. It was fun for me to watch the tree slowing fill up with wrapped gifts. Christmas morning couldn't come soon enough, and when it did, it was everything I hoped for. The kids loved everything. And I loved watching the magic of Christmas through there eyes. (especially since mine where still a little foggy from sleep deprivation.)
What made this Christmas hard was family drama. I haven't written about my ongoing hurt and struggle with the rejection I feel from my mom for a while now because as time goes by, I am learning to deal with it. In many ways, the letter my mom wrote me earlier this year with a message that left much to be desired (here) was a little bit of closure for me. I know that people don't just change. They have to want to change. It was a lesson for me that although I am her daughter, it was more important for her to be right. Although, all I wanted was her, not an apologize. Just a fresh start. But even a fresh start would require her to swallow some pride, a price that was just to high even for me. I haven't cryed or worried about my mom in a while. After all, my little sister was still around. Or so I thought.
I found out through post on facebook that she was in town. I found out through old friends and acquaintances, but I didn't find out through my sister herself. And if I am being honest, it isn't the first time that she has done this. Once, I called her to say hi and found out that she was at the airport in Salt Lake, on her way home, after a week long visit. It hurt. I didn't want to ask my dad if he knew she was in town because I didn't want him to feel the same hurt. But when he called on Christmas Eve to see if I was still coming over on Christmas day for lunch with him and his wife, he mentioned how Natalie wouldn't be joining us because she was to busy spending time with all of her husband's family and didn't have time for her side of the family this trip. Somehow I knew it was a lie and so did my dad. He only found out she was in town because he had called her to wish her a Merry Christmas. As hard as it is for me, I feel for my dad. It would crush me if Lauren did that to me or to Chad. It was devastating for me yesterday. All those feelings of rejection and hurt, all the wondering about what is wrong with me, all the abandonment issues I have had to work through for the past 5 years came rushing on my with full force. I cried to Chad in the car all to his sister's house in Herriman later that evening. It was a Christmas full of highs and lows.
When my step sister Sirena gave me a present at my dad's house on Christmas, the emotions were almost to much. Here is a girl that I have only known for three years of my life, and she was showing me more love then my sister. My sister in laws were full of hugs and love when I showed up to Chad's families Christmas party. And I know that if we were in California this year, that all of my adopted California family wouldn't treat me like an outsider, they would sincerely be to me what family ought to be.
Bloodline doesn't mean a thing. It should. Even if I made every bad decision in the book. My family should be like "Dude, I know that she is a crack whore, but she is our daughter, sister, niece, cousin..ect." Unfortunately that doesn't always happen. Besides, my only true "mistake" was to listen when I prayed, to follow what my heart told me to do against all odds and reason. Isn't that what walking in faith sometimes requires anyway? I am proud of the decision I made even if so many in my "family" still maintain their belief that I have fallen into a hole of dispare and abuse, no matter the evidence to the contrary. I am proud that I was strong enough to do what I believed to be right. I haven't regretted that decision at all. I have regretted my family's response, but that is part of having free agency. No matter how long or hard I pray for a different reality, they still have the freedom to think and act how they wish. And I will give it to them because it is something that I wish they would have allowed me to do. I love my sister, always have and always will. But I am done trying and hurting. She can call me and I will be so happy to hear from her. But I am done calling, and trying to get together. We have a relationship because it is me doing all the work. I want what so many take for granted, the friendship and companionship of a sister. So I pushed to keep it alive. But when you are the only one who is doing all the work, it starts to not work. Like now. I have so many people who are willing to step in and fill the gap. I think it is about time that I start to work on those relationships. I am worth it after all. And it is time that start believing that.

What's in a Name...?

2010-12-21T13:48:00.000-08:00

Some people have been confused about the name we have picked out. Which is fine. I told Chad that this is the first child that we are having that we might have to explain where the name comes from and why we picked it out. The name we have choose is...RHYS.

FACTS ABOUT RHYS:

It is pronounce Reece. It is a Welsh name meaning Enthusiasm. It is #5 on the most popular names is Wales, #30 in Scotland, #56 in England, and as of 2010, it is #679 in the United States.

WHERE WE GOT IT:

Honestly, we came about the name because we were watching the Terminator. Don't cha love it. I could say that my great grandfather that sailed here from Wales with the saints was named Rhys, but then that would be a lie. I don't even think that I have pioneer relatives. No, the truth is, we got it from the old '80s classic "bad robot turned good" mega movie, The Terminator. If you have never seen the movie, there is a guy in the show named Kyle Rhys..and the main chick in the movie called him Rhys through out the whole show. We just liked how it sounded. And that is where we came up with the name.

We like to think that maybe our Rhys will be tough enough to fight an indestructible killer machine to save the world from a mechanical Apocalypse. But no pressure.

FAMOUS RHYS':

After we decided (and both agreed pretty much instantly) that our little bun in the oven would go by the moniker of Rhys, if said bun turned out to be a boy bun, we started noticing the name of Rhys in other places as well.

Jonathan Rhys Meyers:

Man, I don't know about you, but Midevil England never looked so good.

John Rhys Davies:

And just in case you were all sleeping during the '80's and have never seen the Indian Jones franchise or the series, Sliders, you might recognize him more as....

The older brother off of Malcom in the Middle was named Rhys in the series:

Rhys Ifans:
He is a British actor, most likely best known in the U.S for playing the room mate spike in Notting Hill.

And my last example is
Rhys Coiro:

Fans of 24 will know who he is.

But these are just examples of people with the name of Rhys, the only Rhys that counts is the one in my tummy, making his debut at the end of May. I can't wait to meet him. Lauren and Evan say "Hi Rhys" to my tummy every day. It has been such a fun pregnancy. Both Lauren and Evan are old enough to enjoy the idea of a new brother in our home. So of all the famous Rhys' out there, the only one that counts in our book is Rhys Triplett.

Week 16

2010-12-14T12:47:00.000-08:00

I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is, we know what our little baby is going to be :) The bad news is, last night was the last doctor's appointment that I had with Dr. Naisbitt. He is retiring, at least from the maternity ward. He is moving on to a whole other career. I use to joke with Chad that we were done having kids when Dr. Naisbitt retires. I will have to tell you in a couple of years if that statement turns out to be true. He is a great doctor, and I will miss him. I will have to let you know if I settle on someone else in time for D-day.

Anyway..on to the baby. Here is a picture of me at 15 weeks:

Believe it or not, I am bigger this time then when I was pregnant with Lauren or Evan. I told Chad that I might have to invest in some Maternity clothes this time around.

And here is a couple of pictures Lauren took of me this morning and 16 weeks.

My doctor's apointment was last night. This was the big one, the one I had been waiting for. This was the one where I was going to find out if I should buy pink paint of blue. Chad wasn't feeling well last night, so he stayed with Evan while I took Lauren. It turned out kind of speacial, since Lauren has been way into this pregnacy. She asks everyday if she could see how big the baby is, and we sit down to google to look up what the baby should look like at 14 weeks, 15 weeks, ect. She sings to my belly and loves to feel my little bump in hopes of being able to feel the baby kick. So, I thought it would be fun to take her on the apointment where we found out if the baby had an x chromosome or a y. She has been wanting a sister, and every time I tell her that it might be a boy, she tells me no, it is most definatly a girl. But once the baby came up on the ultra sound monitor, there was no question. Even for me. It was definatly a boy.

Lauren said "Are you sure it's a johnson? It might be pooh." The doctor just laughed and said, "I think that was the first time I ever got asked that question." I think now, she is ok with having an other little brother. She is such a good sister to Evan, I am very sure that she will be an equally good sister to this little guy. We are going to name him Rhys. We can't wait to meet our little Rhys. I am happy either way, boy or girl. I am finding myself to be very excited at the idea of having an other little guy around. Little boys are so sweet and so much fun. I can't wait to meet him.

Christmas Card pictures 2010

2010-12-14T12:28:00.000-08:00

It has taken some time for us to finally get our pictures for the christmas cards (cards soon to follow..) We took our awesome camera and headed down to Union Station on 25th street and started snapping away. We got some cute ones, we even got Radley in a couple of them. Here are just a few of my favorites.

This one is Chad's favorite. I like it too. Cute kids!!

This one is my favorite. I just like how Lauren and Evan have there arms around each other, and I love the colors, and yes, I love how I look in it. I am such a girl, what can I say. I always look to see how I look in a picture before I ok it to go on a Christmas card. Everyone else could have bad hair days and angles as long as I look presentable. (oh, you know you do it too)

It is so much fun for me to see the difference from last year.

This one was our card last year. We have had a great year. I love to see how much the kids have grown. I love my little family, and I am so excited that next year we will have a little 8 month old in our Christmas card pictures for 2011. When I look at my family, I can't think of a better Christmas present then to have them all happy and healthy.

The Snow Plow

2010-12-07T15:21:00.000-08:00

The night of the great snow storm of 2010, that lasted about an hour..you remember the one? Well, while everyone was nice and warm in their homes, we went out. We first went to the mall. And no joke, we had to be the only patrons of the mall there that night. As we were walking around, stores were closing, and it wasn't even 7 yet. We then went to Chuck a Rama (I love a good buffet), but they had a signon their door that said "closed due to increment weather." So we decided to see if Applebee's was open, which it was. It was kind of fun to watch the snow fall and eat at Applebee's. I love Applebee's. Anyway, while we were there, a snow plow was clearing the parking lot. Evan was in heaven. It was better then fireworks for him.

It was the first time going out to eat that the kids didn't ask when the food was going to come, or complain about "starrr...ving!!" My thanks to the snow plow man for keeping my kids entertained.

Radley and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day!

2010-12-06T18:12:00.000-08:00

It was just a typical Sunday evening. We were reaching that point where I knew it was time to get the little ones in their jammies and to brush their pearl whites, but I hadn't psyched myself up enough to actually get started. When all of the sudden, there was a knock at the door. I wasn't in a hurry to answer it. I usually like Chad to answer the door and he was deep into watching Top Gear clips on You Tube. Then the knock became more persistent. I ran down our stairs and looked out the window. The fog was thick on Sunday, so all I could really see is a soft glow from a flash light and some one behind the light, but I couldn't tell who it was. So I was a little freaked out. It made me a little nervous. But the sight I saw when I opened the door was not even close to what I could ever imagine. In the arms of my neighbor was our sweet little puggle Radley. She was bleeding profusely and very hurt. I was to stunned to even register what she was telling me. I held Radley in my arms numbly thinking that our dog was bleeding to death in my arms. The only thing I could think to do was call for Chad, because Chad is my rock, my stable place, and I needed to find some kind of footing at that moment. After Chad came down the stairs, everything was just kind of a blur. I remember coming up the stairs and holding Radley in my arms while Chad searched google to find an open all night animal ER, which we did in Sunset. We through the kids in the car and rushed off to Sunset hoping against hope that they could save Radley.

She was attacked by a big dog. We believe it was a pit bull mix. She really stood no chance. Chad was preparing me the whole ride to the vets office of the possibility that we wouldn't be bringing Radley home. They told us that they were going to have to shave her to see the extent of the damage. The Doctor was going through all of our options, and it sounded grim. We signed a paper then left our little girl in the hands of the doctors and nurses at Animal ER. We then waited by the phone in anticipation of the news we would receive. The good news is, the dog couldn't get a good grip on Radley. He couldn't get his jaws open wide enough to crush her. We at first thought it was because our puggle is pudgy. But when we got home, we noticed her shock collar. She is a yelper, so when she goes outside to go to the bathroom, we slip on her shock collar. It was dented with teeth marks. We realized then that the dog couldn't get to Radley's throat. Her collar is what saved her life.

I picked her up hours after dropping her off. Poor Radley was going to be in pain for a while, have scars, but as long as infection doesn't set in, she will be fine. Needless to say our relief is substantial. Her head is full of puncture wounds and bite marks. She has multiple stitches all over her head, neck and chest. She has 5 drains in her face to drain the fluid and bacteria that is pooling in the pockets created by the attack which will come out in a week. She cowers every time she hears a big dog bark and is extremely tired and cuddely. But, over all, she is doing amazing. Before we know it, she will be enduring Evan's body slams and Lauren's "make over" sessions yet again.

(Because she is a black dog, it is hard to see in these pictures just how banged up she is. Believe it or not, these pictures really don't do her injuries justice.)

Halloween 2010

2010-11-01T11:38:00.000-07:00

Every year we go up to Farr West and go trick or treating around my dad's neighborhood. I love doing it there. I just love my dad and I don't get a lot of opportunities to just hang out with him. Halloween is the only really holiday that I get to spend with my dad. So it's a Halloween tradition that I love.

Lauren went as Alice in Wonderland and Evan went as Buzz Lightyear. I think that they ended up a pretty cute Buzz and Alice.

It was raining in our neighborhood, but up at my Dad's house, the weather was actually quit nice. Lauren and Evan wanted to keep going. They ended up with a lot of candy.

Evan really loves suckers! Every time he tried a piece of candy he would declare, very excitedly "It doesn't have Peanut Butter!!!" (He is allergic to Peanuts)

I love my dad. He is a good dad, and a great grandpa. Both the kids and I are very lucky to have him in our lives.

Grandma Rita, Grandpa, Evan and Lauren.

Halloween was fun this year. Evan was got really into trick or treating. Lauren would run up to the doors, full of excitement, with Evan yelling "wait Lauren, wait for me.." behind her. It was so fun for me to watch. It was one of the sweetest little scenes I was lucky enough to watch. Just one of the many moments that makes me so happy to be a mom.

A Marathon of Partys

2010-10-28T18:26:00.000-07:00

You ever have one of those days where by the time evening comes along, you can't believe what happened in the morning was on the same day? That was my day today. When the alarm went off at 7 this morning, I knew I was in it for the long haul. You see, Lauren had not one, not two, but three partys to go to today. One was for her school, one was for her friend, and one was for her acting class. I was tired thinking about all of her partys before my feet even hit the floor. Lauren, on the other hand, was bright eyed and bushy tailed right when I knocked on her bedroom door to wake her up. Which, if you knew my "I hate mornings" daughter, you would understand the significance of that small modern day miracle. She had her Alice in Wonderland costume all ready to go, and she not once cryed or pouted when I did her hair (miracle #2. One more and I would say that one of us should be inducted into sainthood.)

She was so excited that she could wear a dress up costume to school. I was excited to see her in her school's Halloween parade. Blame it one the pregnancy, but I got a little emotional watching her march in all cute and proud in her Alice dress. I just can't get over how quickly she is growing up! (these pictures are fuzzy. My phone takes great pictures, but if the subject is moving..you get fuzz)

I then went to her classroom to get some pictures. I don't have any yet of her in desk, so I wanted I couple. I ended up staying and helping with their class party. It was cute to see all of those little kiddos in their super cute costumes.

They colored pumpkins...

played Halloween Bingo...

made spiders out of Tootsi- pops...

and finally, made ghost wind socks.

We had an hour long intermission, then we walked over to Lauren's friend Hailee's house. (Aimee, if I spelled her name wrong, I'm sorry). Lauren loves Hailee and she was so excited to go. When we got the invitation 3 days ago, Lauren immediately went to her closet and started planing out her outfit and gave me instructions on how she wanted her hair done.

Aimee was really sweet and gave Evan a little gift bag too. When we got home, Lauren and Evan wore the scary looking glasses for a while growling "rrroarrr!!" in an attempt to scare me. It was scary, I was shaking.

After Hailee's party, I had time to put Evan down for a nap and watch half of sense and sensibility (nothing like a little Jane Austin to relax), and wait for Chad to get home from work. I gave my sweet husband a kiss and ran out the door for the third and last time tonight. Lauren's acting class , had a little Halloween party. All the diffent age groups got together. Each of the age groups did a song and dance number and a little skit. Lauren did so good, but more importantly, she had lots of fun.
Let's play "Where's Lauren" instead of "Where's Waldo." Can you see her?

Lauren doing the Bunny Hop to the Ghostbuster's song (..I ain't afraid of no ghosts)

This is a little video of the song and dance number that Lauren's class did. I think she did a pretty good job, considering Lauren had only learned it the week before. Because we were in California, we missed two weeks of her class.

Here is a video of Lauren doing a skit with her class. Again, she just learned the words the week before, considering that, I think she did amazing.

At the end of the party, they got a bag full of candy. (yeah, like she hasn't gotten enough today. I think in one day of partys, she bet her all time trick or treat record. She had quit the haul.) Both Lauren and Evan had nothing but candy to eat. (Don't judge me) There sugar high was substantial. On the bright side, they are starting to come down off their high. The sugar crash is like a little gift to me for all the craziness of today. Awww..I love this side of a sugar high.

A Be-witching fun time!!

2010-10-24T20:41:00.000-07:00

On Friday, I went down to Gardner Village with my super cute sister in laws for their Witchstock thing that they have every year. It was so much fun. It was so crazy to see all of these people dressed up in different kinds of witches. I love Chad's sisters, they very good to me and super sweet, I love to hang out with them no matter what we end up doing. But I am hoping that this will be a Halloween tradition for years to come.

We started the evening out at Olive Garden. This is Traci and Shari.

Me and Kari. Kari is pregnant too, and our due dates are just two days apart. She is due May 26th and my due date is May 28th. How cool is that. I'm excited.

Do we make some pretty cute witches? I love these girls!

The guys standing behind us were walking around on stilts. So many of the costumes were just so super elaborate, it was fun to see them all.

And these girls were dressed up like the three witches from Hocus Pocus.

It was alot of fun. It was nice to get out and be Melissa and not Mommy for a few hours.

Blog-a-paloza

2010-10-14T14:56:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you have nothing to blog about, and other times your so busy that you don't have time to blog. I did like a blogapaloza day. Starting with Universal Studios and ending with Mr and Mrs Szabo. I hope you enjoy them all. (If you want to read the last post you have to click the "Older Posts" link to see it)

Universal Studios

2010-10-14T14:13:00.000-07:00

We were going to go to Disneyland while we were out there, but it was just to expensive. We ended up going to Universal Studios instead, which was great! We had a lot of fun.

While we were in line for the tram ride, a bunch of Japanese tourist kept taking pictures of and with Lauren. They said that she looked like a barbie doll. Lauren was good for awhile, but after 20 min of it, it got overwhelming to her so Chad had to pick her up and hold her. It was cute. I wish I would have gotten a picture of it.

Evan did not like King Kong at all. He hid his little face through the whole thing. And then when we came out, he claped his hands and said "Yeah!! I did it! Now we can get out now!!" It was funny.

Look! I'm on Wisteria Lane! I love Desperate Housewives. It's my favorite show, so that was fun for me.

Ok, This is how Evan works. First time trying something new..he hates it, second time..he thinks 'maybe not so bad' , third time..he had got it and he loves it. These next pictures crack me up because you can totally see that part of Evan's personality play out in picture form.

First time..hates it.

Second time..not so bad.

Third time..loves it!

Water World.

We got Lauren's face painted and I think she looks super cute. She kept asking if her make up was still on the rest of the day.
And here is a video of Lauren talking to Donkey.

Frys and the TO mall..

2010-10-14T14:03:00.000-07:00

We always go to Frys when we go to Simi. Fry's is a mega electronics store. Chad loves it. And the kids like to because it is all done up in Alice in Wonderland with big foam statues everywhere.

This cracks me up everytime we go there. They have this sign on all the bathroom stale doors. Who knew that there were so many rules to use a public restroom.
And we always go to both the Topanga Mall and the T.O Mall.

This time, we even made it out to the new Simi Vally out door mall! It is no Disneyland or Sea World, but California is home to us, so we like to go to these places.

Feeding Pop Pop's fish and Breakfast at Millie's

2010-10-14T13:45:00.001-07:00

One of the fun things that we get to do while we are out there is breakfast a Millie's every morning. The people that work there have watched our little family grow. They have seen just Chad and I, me with my big belly when I was pregnant with Lauren, Lauren as a baby, then a little girl, me with my big belly when I was pregnant with Evan, and Evan as a baby, and now a little boy. Kind of cool I think. Before Millie's, Lauren and Evan just can't wait for Pop Pop to wake up so that they can feed the fish with him. They love to feed Pop Pop's fish!

Pretty fish! Lauren felt bad that they didn't have names, so she named three of them, Lixey, Pixey, and French. I am not sure which one is which. But she felt better once they had names (well, at least three of them do now)

After the fish, we head on down the road to Millie's. Lauren and Evan love it. Here are a bunch of pictures from different breakfasts all week long.

It never really feels like a vacation when we go to California, it really feels like we are going home.

The Invasion of the Phillip's Clan.

2010-10-14T13:29:00.000-07:00

On about the fourth day out in California, my Nieces and Nephew flew out from Utah. It was fun to have them there. Both Lauren and Evan love them so much and they are really good to them.

Rylee, Lauren, DJ, and Samantha the night that they flew in. It was about mid night and Evan was asleep, but Lauren wouldn't sleep. She forced herself to stay up so that she could see them. They had a little impromptu ice cream party.

Don't forget the Cookie Dough! Yum.

Rylee reading to Lauren. Lauren loved the attention!

(Samantha, Evan, Rylee, Lauren, and Dallin)
These are all of Doug and Debbie's grandkids. They had to love it that they were all under the same roof at the same time. I think that it is the only time that everyone of them have been to Mimi and Pop Pop's house all at once.

In-N-Out

2010-10-14T13:19:00.000-07:00

I just can't go to California without going to In-N-Out. They have got to have the world's best hamburgers! I love them. When I use to live there, before I met Chad, I would go all the time. They close at like 1 AM, and it is always packed, even that late at night. On Sundays, me and my friends would wait until the clock said 12:01 A.M and then we would pack ourselves into the car and make an In-N-Out run. (we technically waited until it was Monday). So it is so fun for me to take my kids there because it is something of California that I love.

My In-N-Out feast! I dare your mouth not to water!

Evan's first chomp into the deliciousness that is a Cheeseburger done right. Lauren won't eat hamburger meant anymore now that she knows where the meat comes from. So she just enjoyed there equally delicious french fries.

Love it!! If you are ever in California, you should try and make a trip there. Cheeseburgers will never be the same after that.

Bowling in Simi

2010-10-14T12:41:00.000-07:00

The day after my cute little Nieces and my Nephew flew in from Utah to California, we all went bowling together. It was the first time that Lauren and Evan have gone bowling. It was a lot of fun.

While we waited to go bowling, we played around in the arcades. (Doug, Evan, Chad, Rylee)

I am not the best bowler in the world. I am either really on, or I suck. That day, I happened to be doing good. In high school (good ol' Morgan High) every firday for gym, we would walk over to the bowling alley, which was right next door, and bowl. It was my favorite day to go to gym. I really haven't bowled much since. But after the fun time we had, I think that I want to make it a weekly event. The kids both loved it too.

The launch of Lauren's first bowling ball.

Evan's very first time bowling. It didn't matter if he got a gutter ball or if he knocked down all of the pins. He would clap his hands and laugh everytime.

After a while, Laure ditched the bowling ramp and decided to free style it. Doesn't she have great form?

I surprised myself with winning! I thought for sure that Debbie would win. She was kicking some serious bowling balls! Mimi can bowl! Everyone just had tons of fun though, so in the end we were all winners.

And the results from the kids game. Good times...good times. :)

The family that bowls together, stays together, don't cha think?

Thanks Mimi and Pop Pop for taking us. Love you both!

Mr and Mrs Szabo

2010-10-14T11:57:00.000-07:00

The whole reason we were able to go on this trip to CA was to see Jennifer and Jimmie get married. They are a pretty cute couple. It is one of those situations where you just know that they were ment for each other. It was a lot of fun to be there and to get the chance to see everyone of out California family.

Lauren and her cousin Taylor. Lauren loves Taylor. Once she found her, the girls were inseparable the rest of the night. If you ask Lauren what her favorite part of the wedding was, she will tell you "dancing with my best friend Taylor,"

When I see these two cute girls together, it makes me wish that we lived closer. How cute are they!?!

Evan and DJ playing. Doesn't Evan look so cute in his suit? I love it!!

(Nikki, the beautiful bride Jen, and Dawn)
Arn't these girls just beautiful? (and yes, I stole this picture from your facebook page Nikki.) I love these girls so much! They make me feel like I have a family.

My cute neices, Rylee and Sammie.

My Mom in law, AKA Mimi, AKA Debbie :)

Myself and my Dad in law, Pop Pop, or Doug. :)
And to end things..here is a little video of Lauren and Taylor dancing at the wedding. So stinkin' cute!

2010-10-02T13:02:00.000-07:00

Dear Utah,

See ya later! I am heading out (um, for a week at least). I will be trading in the fall colors and the mountains for sandy beaches and blue skys. Ahhh..I can just taste the salt in the air!! (not that I don't love your air, Utah. But sometimes it is just nice to have a little change.) We are going to go see two people we love tie the knot. (love ya Jennifer and Jimmy!! You two are way to cute for words). So you see, Utah, I am not just leaving because I have grown tired of you. It hasn't started to snow yet soo..your still on my good side. So, see ya dear beehive state.

And Hello California!!!

Melissa :)

2010-09-27T08:00:00.000-07:00

Here are just some funny things that Lauren and Evan have said in the past months. I wrote them down in facebook, so some of you have probably all ready heard some of these. But I want to copy and past them here so that I have all of their cute words in a document that is a little more permanent. They are such funny little ones. Love them!!

I put Lauren in time out for hitting Evan. When she got out I told her to apologize to Evan. She said "Sorry I hit you Buddy." Then Evan said "Sorry Mommy put you in time out Lauren." Nice to see that no matter what, he'll always have her back. -September 12th 2010

Going out to the car, Evan stops and points "Mommy, whats that?" Me: "That's the exhaust pipe Buddy." Lauren: "Yeah Buddy. That's how the car gets rid of all it's tiredness." -August 20th 2010

Lauren was asking Chad a lot of "what-if" questions..'What if we didn't breath with our lungs..what if we only had one leg...ect" So Chad said "Hey Lauren, what if I had eight arms and a hundred legs, huh, how about that?" She answered back "Then you would be an octopus, or a centipede." Touche! -August 1st 2010

We got Lauren and Evan Sundaes from McDonalds. I put Evans in a cup with a spoon in it and handed it back to him. He started sipping on the spoon handle like it was a straw. I said "No Buddy, it's a spoon not a straw." Evan said "Ohh..yeah..kay.." So Chad and I started to laugh, and then he said "not funny!!" It ...was cute, but I guess you had to be there :) -July 23rd 2010

Driving in the car yesterday, Lauren asked Chad and I "what is the smell I smell outside?" Rolling down the window and sniffing the air, she answered her own question "Ohh, it's blossoms and barbaque!" Love her!! -July 20th 2010

I gave Evan a bath today (because he looked like a poor little orphan-he had so much dirt on him) This is our conversation.."Time to get out Bud." "No, I wash me." "No Bud, times up." "No Mommy. I pay in water." "Ev, I am not going to wash your hair, and you don't have to go to bed." "Oh?..No Nap? Kay, Mommy, I g...et out now." -July 13th 2010

Lauren : Mommy? Do you love Daddy? Me: Yep. Lauren: If you love daddy then this is what you do..you have to hug him and kiss him and then you can turn into a fairy. That is how you know that you love him.
(I always wondered how I can tell if our love was real or not. Thanks Lauren for clearing that up for me) -July 9th 2010

A clean backyard, bithday #2, and Riverdale park..

2010-09-26T16:51:00.000-07:00

A lot of you know that when we bought our house, we bought it as a HUD home. I am not sure if we could have gotten such an amazing house in such a great neighborhood when our marriage was so young if we hadn't bought a HUD home. Unfortunately, when you buy a HUD home, they are not always in the best condition. We are still in the process of fixing our house. One of the things that wasn't in the best of condition was our backyard. It had so much over growth and piles of pine needles which for anyone else would be an easy Saturday of grunt yard work and the problem is solved, but for Chad, it isn't that easy. With his heart problems there just isn't a lot of heavy lifting that he can do. Well, we have a couple of amazing home teacher who continually go above and beyond their calling. They have cared for and loved our family. They seem to always be waiting around the corner continually offering their support to our family. Well, when they saw our backyard and Chad told them why it had gotten in the state that it was in, they immediately went into action. They rented a dumpster and called every able bodied preisthood holder in our ward to come by on Saturday to clear out our yard. It was amazing to see decons, preists, and elders of all ages out it our backyard working. I loved to see them laughing and having a good time while they were hauling years of pine needles and junk from our backyard into the dumpster parked front of our house. When people to come together to help and work in a positive manner, the good mood is catching. Our backyard was transformed within hours. Even our Bishop, whose time is precious and he has precious little of it, took time out of his busy schedule to help out as well. Our yard has never looked so amazing, and I find myself venturing out there with a good book to read because now it is a relaxing escape and not an eye sore anymore. Thank you so much to our friends and neighbors. And thank you to our home teachers, who have become our dear friends, for seeing a need and filling it.

It is just amazing that all of that was once in our yard. People were still coming when I left to go meet my dad for lunch. My dad was going to take me and the kidlets to lunch a Maddox for my birthday. I love my dad so much. I really would think that I had something wrong with me if it weren't for my dad. I have told him so on many occasions, and he has said that I do the same for him. I would say that he is the only one of my immediate family who wants anything to do with me, but that isn't entirely true. In the past couple of years, my little sister has started to really make an effort too. I love the person he married, Rita. She is so good to him and loves him. And her two daughters, Samantha and Sarina have become real good friends to me. Sarina was sick and Chad stayed behind to help the elders with our backyard, so it ended up being just me, Lauren and Evan, my dad, Rita, and Samantha. It was alot of fun. It reminded me of all that I have been given. Some people don't have anyone, but I do. My family might not be built like yours, but it is still people who I love whom also love me. If that isn't family then I don't know what it.

After lunch with my dad, I met Chad at Riverdale Park where his family was having a Sphar Family Reunion. By the time I got there, only Chad's sisters and mom were left. It was still nice to see them for a little while. I haven't had a lot of opportunity to see his sisters in a while. Since I saw them last, Traci had had her baby girl and it was the first time that I got to see her. We brought Carter his birthday gifts and a cute dress for baby girl Ella. Family is just so important. No matter how your family is built, you need to feel belonged and loved. You need people who over look your faults and will stand by you in good times and bad. I have that. I have pieces that came from this parent and that one, who are half and steps and real. And they come together to make this beautiful patchwork, this amazing tapestry of a family I am so blessed to be a part of.

Happy Birthday to Me..

2010-09-23T20:17:00.000-07:00

I have officially crossed over from my 20's into my 30's and I have lived to tell the tale. It really isn't as bad as I feared. I still fell like I am 21 years old, I look in the mirror and see the same face, I like the same foods and kinds of movies. It turns out that you are totally the same person at 30 that you were at 29. Huh, who knew?

I am pretty sure I am smarter now then when I was at 21. I cringe to think of some of the things that I have said and done when I was younger. I am sure that in my next 30 years I am going to take the time to appreciate my family more, and all of my kids crazy antics. The good and the bad, they all make up for such a rich and zesty life. I am going to exercise more. I would still love to be able to run just a half marathon, so if anyone has any advice on how I can accomplish that, I am all for that. I want to smile and laugh more, not take offense to others. I believe that most people are generally good in their core. I am not going to let the words "I can't" stand in my way anymore. I know I can. I am proud of where I am in my life right now, and I couldn't be happier with all that I have been given. I live and love everyday. I drink in the happiness of my children and the love from my husband. I couldn't ask for anything else for my birthday.

For my birthday, I got to spend it with my favorite people in the whole world, my cute family. I was so sure that I wasn't going to go anywhere or do anything this year. Which is fine with me. I am just happy with a "Happy Birthday". But Chad totally surprised me. He stopped off at the store on his way home and got me a small cake. He even was thoughtful enough to get one that wasn't to sugary so I wouldn't get a migraine. Which sounds like something small to other people, but I think it is way sweet and romantic (see, it doesn't take much to make me happy).

Isn't it a cute little cake. I love it. And I love Chad. He is so good to me. I am grateful everyday that I had the courage to stick up for my love for him against all odds and family pressure. My only regret is that I don't get to share days like this with my family (except for my dad). We were going to go to the movies, but once we got there, the only cartoon movies they had were 3D and Evan doesn't like the 3D glasses. So we went out to eat at Applebee's instead. Which I actually enjoyed so much.

We gave Lauren and Evan some pop rocks and let them eat them while we waited for the food. We thought we were being brilliant. It seems like we never learn, sugar + kids = wild, crazy, nutty,bouncy, spazy little people. We had fun watching them spaz out though.

The pictures are blurry because I was taking the pictures with my phone and these two crazy kids wouldn't sit still! Love them. Everytime I go to eat at Applebee's I always order the Oriental Chicken Salad, yummy! So delicious!

More crazy kid pictures

While we were eating, I was playing with a picture filter on my phone..and again..it shows what happens when you mix children with tons of sugar.

I had a really great birthday. I am sure that 30 would scare me if I didn't have Chad, Lauren, and Evan. The thought of growing up, and yes older, with these people in my life makes me feel very secure. I love my family. In the end, they really are the greatest gift I could have been given.

Utah State Fair

2010-09-20T13:19:00.000-07:00

I almost missed the state fair this year, which would have been sad. We haven't missed a year since Chad and I got married. Not when Chad had his heart operation, not when I was big and pregnant with Evan and having contractions while we were walking around the exhibits, but almost this year. I am not sure why. It just kind of crept up on us. So we decided to just load the car up and go. I was sick and oh so tired, but we had to go. What is a September in Utah with out a trip to the fair, I ask you? We had fun. Lauren and Evan love the animals. Lauren is a doer, she is always wanting to go and do and be a part of everything. While Evan is more of an observer. He is more then happy to tag along and watch Lauren ride the pony, pet the animals, ect. But try and get him to pet the animals and he flat out refuses. It is real interesting for me to see just how opposite in personality Lauren and Evan are, but then again, that might be why they get along so well. Here are just some picture highlights. I was trying to get over a nasty cold that made it's way around everyone in our family, so we only stayed about an hour. But it was still fun, and we got to go, which was important to me.

Evan would not touch the cute little baby cow, but Lauren was all over that.

She has now declared to Chad and I that she no longer wants to eat hamburgers. And she wondered why people don't just keep cows as pets. They are "so cute and people shouldn't eat cute things." We decided not to tell her where chicken nuggets come from. We will leave that until next year.

So, last year Chad was sick, this year it was me who was sick, and three fairs ago I was hugely pregnant. Maybe next year all the stars will align and we will all be in good working order to really take in the whole fair experience.

And the Oscar goes to.....

2010-09-16T19:54:00.000-07:00

Lauren is a very dramatic little girl. I always tell her that she is going to win an Oscar one day and buy me a house in Malibu. So when I saw this filer for an acting class, I knew that Lauren would fit right in. And she does. She loves it!! She is in her element. She has it every Thursday. Thursday morning, she reminds me right away about her class. It is just so cute to me to see her shine. I love my little actress.

They start every class off with voice warm ups:

They are going to do a production of Alice in Wonderland, so today they did a bunch of exercises where everyone pretended like they were a cat. Here are some pictures of Lauren being a cat:

I love how happy she looks in all the pictures. When I got home and showed these to Chad, we both commented on how she had a perma-grin in all the pictures. It was hard for me to narrow down all the pictures because there wasn't one picture where she wasn't smiling. After they got done slinking, creeping, and prancing like little cats, they did a little dance number.

Then they did a little stage fighting. It took Lauren a while to get this part of it. She is so non-violent, she really was very hesitant to give anyone a good looking fake whack across the face. But by the end, she was fake slapping with the best of them.

The last exercise that they did was to carry around swords and march around in a choreographed little skit where they pretended to be the Red Queens little minions. I love how seriously Lauren took her role. She never broke character.

Man she cracks me up! We finally found an outlet for her flare for the dramatics. I love that kid!

We thought about putting her in soccer, but I truly can't imagine her kicking a ball around. What I do picture is her laying on the field day dreaming while others kick a ball around her. She loves her acting class. She is already asking me how long she has to wait to go back. Eventually, I want to get her in a dance class as well. She is such a natural performer anyway. I am so glad that I found that flier and actually followed up on it. For one hour a week, Lauren is in total bliss.

Evan turns 3, and update overload!!

2010-09-14T20:39:00.000-07:00

On Sunday September 12th, Evan crossed over from two to three. It amazes me how fast the time has just flown by. Lauren is now in school and Evan is a full fledged little boy. Not so much my baby boy any more. This next part is mostly for me to remember my sweet sweet boy and how he was at this age.

Evan is a super soft and sensitive little boy. He hates any kind of change. He loves his big sister to pieces and thinks she can do no wrong. When I put Lauren in time out the other day for hitting him, he was worried about her. When she came out of time out, I told her to apologize to Evan. She went over to him and gave him a hug (which is all part of the "apologize" process in our house)and said "I am sorry I hit you Buddy." To which Evan replied, "I'm sorry Mommy put you in time out." He loves toy story, Iron Man, and-just like his daddy-Star Wars. His favorite part is the AT-ATs. He loves the "big big big BIG walking robots!!" He is a cuddler. He loves to just cuddle up to Chad or I. He will sit on our laps forever, not moving, just cuddling. He is always laughing and smiling, except when faced with a situation that is new to him. (remember how he hates change). I love my little man and I am so honored to be him mom. He teaches me about unconditional pure love everyday. Happy Birthday Buddy Boy.

Since his birthday was on a Sunday, we just had a small celebration with just us. He didn't seem to mind to much.

I took a couple of pictures before church with Evan in his big boy church suit. No more nice pants and shirt combo from old navy any more. He goes to nursery in style.

After church and naps, (what? Doesn't everyone take afternoon naps on Sundays?) we opened his presents. I wish I had taken some pictures of him opening his presents, but I didn't. Afterward, we sang Happy Birthday to him.

I don't think he appreciated our attempts at harmonizing.

Chad let Evan lick the frosting off of his candle....

...but I am thinking that the kid got a little more then frosting. He did say "umm..good." I guess anything frosted in cream cheese frosting would just about taste "umm..good."

In the end, it was a great birthday. Nice and quit, but full of fun and lots of love. And Evan is so cute this year. If you ask him if he is two years old, he will vehemently reply "NO! I three."

This summer has flown by for me. Because I have been working so much, we havn't done anything at all. I haven't even been to the pool. Not once this year. I do feel bad for that, and I am determined to make it up to them next summer. However, Lauren and Evan didn't need to look further then their own back yard for a great time. They love our trampoline and spend many hours out there on it. Jumping, playing in the sprinklers, cloud watching, and cuddled up in blankets reading books to each other. One afternoon, Lauren asked if she and Evan could draw on the trampoline with their sidewalk chalk. I told her to go ahead, knock yourself out. Then I grabbed the camera.

This year, Lauren has discovered her love of bugs. I have posted a couple of examples of her buggy lovin' in the past. Most of the time, I think it is cute. I just don't like the one time she tried to rescue a grasshopper from a spider web. She brought the grasshopper in the house and tried, in vain, to nurse it back to health. She wouldn't let me put it outside. I had to wait until she went to bed to put the dead thing outside. In the morning, she was so excited that the grasshopper recovered and hopped away, I just couldn't tell her the truth. She loves to bring in all of her new creepy crawly friends in the house to show me, and urges me to "just pet it mommy." *shudder* Her latest "friends" was a group of caterpillars that she found on the underside of a leaf.

At least it wasn't a June Bug, which she tried to get me to hold one day. She loves all living things. I really think that one day, when she figures out where meat comes from, she might end up being the world's youngest vegetarian by choice. She is so sweet. But she is an even sweeter sister. Evan loves her. It doesn't matter what they are doing together, he is just in awe of all that she does. Her attention means the world to him.

Who knows what they are laughing at here, but they are in hysterics. That is just what they do. I feel lucky that they are such good friends. I am hoping that this friendship will follow them through out their lives. When I picked up Lauren today from school, they both wanted to go over to the Friendship park for a while. Because I was talking to a friend of mine I told them to walk over and I will be right there (fyi: you can totally see the park from the pick up zone at Lauren's school.) They held hands the whole way to the park and my friend asked if they were always like that. I felt so much love for them as I watched them walk hand in hand. And yes, they are always like that. They bicker and fight as siblings do, but they love each other so much and love to be around each other. I do feel so lucky to have the little ones that I do have.

Now, if you made it this far into this blog post, then you either have a real lack of reading material or you really truly care about the comings and goings of our little family. Either way, I am glad you stuck it out. I love my family and I am so proud of the way that they are growing up and growing together. I don't mind so much my kids getting older, just as long as the love we have for each other grows at the same rate.

Dear Lauren and Evan

2010-09-10T12:13:00.001-07:00

Dear Lauren and Evan,

When I first saw the pink line, and when I first felt you move inside of me, when I first saw the flutter of your heart and heard the frantic beating of it like a speeding train, I knew I was hooked. People will tell you that the love you have for your child is not like any other love that exists. There is no way to describe it and no way to live with out it once you have felt it. People tell you that your whole life will change. People tell you that being a mother is the best thing and the toughest job you can ever imagine. And they were right.

But no one ever told me that I would stay up all night just to watch your chest rise and fall, marveling at the miracle that was formed inside of me. Or that the sound of your tears would move me so deeply. That your blue eyes are the most beautiful color I have ever known. No one told me that my long hair, which I use to spend hours on, would spend most days in a pony tail. And my nice clothes that I use to wear on a daily basis would find it's way to the back of my closet, replaced by a comfortable track suit and slippers that I wouldn't be embarrassed to run to wal mart in. Hey I might even make it onto one of those e mails of the wal mart people on of these days :).

No body told me that I would spend my days and nights with you in my thoughts. I would spend all day waiting for 8 o'clock to roll around, and then once you slept, watch your innocent face and think of all the ways that I can improve as a mother. No one told me that exhaustion and guilt would be my constant companions. No one told me that my alarm clock would be replaced by a little girl and a little boy who are wondering where there breakfast is. And that I would willingly give up watching my favorite shows so that you can watch yours. I know the theme songs and characters to Word World, Super Why, and Little Einsteins, but have lost track of the story line on Desperate Housewives.

People did say that having children changes your life, but no one ever went into specifics. It is a scary, and sometimes lonely road that we willingly travel down. Once we start on this journey of ours, once we realized the heartache and hardship that parenthood has to offer, we choose to make this journey again and again. I would rather have an illness or injury rather then watch you suffer through it. Because no one ever told us how the feather whisper of your child's breath on your face gives you the greatest peace this world has to offer. And when I hold you in my arms, I know I am holding a piece of heaven. No one told me how the feel of your little hands patting me on the back and the weight of your body sitting on my lap would be a gift that no price could be put on. Or that I am filled with pride when you learn your letters, numbers, colors. Your accomplishments become more important to me then my own. No one said that I would rather sit on the floor and play with cars then to go to the fanciest partys in creation. That when someone says "your daughter is beautiful" that it would mean more to me then if someone complimented me. Because to compliment my child is the greatest gift you can give me. No one said that the sound of your laughter would be more beautiful then the London Philharmonic Symphony or more soothing then the sound of the waves crashing onto the beach. And that my life would fill gratified by hearing three little words in your tiny voices..I love you. I wear the title of Mommy proudly. A title I would never have without you little monsters in my life! I love you more then words can express, because no one has ever come up with an adequate word to classify this kind of love.

Love Mommy

2010-09-04T14:31:00.000-07:00

"The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go." Or so says Dr.Seuss. And now my baby girl gets to have the ability to to expand her mind and go to school. I knew the time was coming and coming up fast, and here it is. She is now a full fledged Kindergartner. She love it, as I knew she would. I had a harder time letting her go then she did. I am so proud of my little school-goer. She has taken to kindergarten like a duck to water, every day regaling me with tales of her expanding knowledge. I am just so stunned that the same baby who sat in her 1st birthday cake to eat it because right in fount of her wasn't close enough for all of that deliciousness, is now in a land full of chalk dust and pencil shavings. For weeks before, all we heard was how she was going to start school soon, and what she was going to wear her first day, and wondering who she was going to sit by..you get the point. She woke up bright and early her first day full of anticipation and excitement. I, on the other hand, was holding back tears from the moment the alarm clock went off. But she looked so adorable and grown up. I really can't believe that this day has come.

Walking to school. Lucky for us, her school is just a couple of blocks away. I don't know how I would have been able to put her on a bus and wave good-bye. That would have been much harder on me. I got to walk with her the whole way, and have every morning since. I need to let go in stages, not all at once.

Here she is at her school.

And lining up with her class.

She loved her first day, and everyday after wards. I had read in a book once that the art of parenthood is learning to let go. You teach them good values and morals, you give them love and acceptance for the individuals that they are, and then you let go and hope what you taught them will stick. I know that I have years yet to truly fully let go, but I guess, to me, Kindergarten seems like step #1 in that process. I think she is a good girl and will be just fine in this new world of hers.

New Job!!!! Finally! And some Random Pics of our Summer

2010-08-04T09:06:00.001-07:00

Chad has got a new job! We are so excited for him and I am very proud. I think he has done an amazing job providing for all of us. I have managed to not work almost all the years that we have been married. It only became necessary this year. I think that is pretty impressive. We have managed to buy a house, a couple cars, keep two kids fed and survive off of a salary that most college kids have. We have had so much help along the way. Especially in this most challenging year. I feel like we are one our way to becoming grown-ups. Finally, Chad has a grown up job! I also believe that through lots of prayers and faith, Chad was able to put himself out there, to have the courage to step of that cliff of security and take a giant leap into the unknown. This is a big thank you to those who have helped us along the way. To those friends who are known to us and also to those individuals whose generosity remains anonymous. I have my suspitions on who some of those anonymous angels could be, but how do you go up to some one and say.."hey, thanks for that huge gift card to Wal-Mart that you gave to us without signing your name. We couldn't have eaten that week with out it." You can't, so thank goodness for a blog. Hopefully they read this and know just how much their generousity has shaped our outlook on everything. Our compassionate and giving Bishop and Relif Society Presidant, and our wonderful home teachers were always there to give us encouragement as well as the occational grocery bags full of food. The Peterson's gave us a fridge out of there garage when they found out we were living without one for about 6 months prior. The Miller's, who they themselves don't have much, left a goodie bag full of treats for us. And then, of course, I can't forget the Edwards who not only were responsible for bringing my kids their Christmas, they also gave food, gift cards and a couple new coats for me. We got a box full of fun presants via our home teachers for Lauren's birthday, without wich she wouldn't have had something. (I know that I must be forgetting others who have helped, and if I have then I am so sorry. I am amazed still to this day of the boundless reach of others selflessness.) It is so humbling to not be able to give your kids the things that they need. I am grateful to all those who gave and filled in the gaps that we couldn't fill on our own. This experience has taught me to not look the other way. To give a what I can where I can. I feel like I will work the rest of my life to give back in others as the only way I can think to show all of these generous friends and family in my life that they have touched me. All I can do is pay it forward, so to speak, and I truely will do just that.

It has been such a long time since I have blogged!! I feel like I am totally neglecting it. When I have free time, which I have precious little of lately, I want to spend it playing with my kids instead of typing away at the computer. But I have commetted myself to blogging at least once a week. It is my way of writing down our family history. So here is some randomness of our summer...or at leat the month of July that I missed.

I worked both on the 4th and the 24th of July, so we didn't really have anytime to go and see fireworks at a park, so both nights we just bought a bunch from Wal-Mart and had our own little fire works show. Which I ended up really loving. I loved just being with my family. Work has tought me to appercate all the little things, like store bought fireworks, and a great show right in our own yard.

An other totally random thing, Lauren has become a bug whisperer!! Butterflies and Dragon Flies just come to her. It all started with the Butterfly garden that we got Lauren, and it has just grown from there. I have put up pictures of her holding (and kissing) snails before..gross..but she loves them so..whatever. Maybe she is hoping one of them will turn into a prince. Anyway, she has been spending the summer catching Dragon Flies. They are her new favorites. In one day, she has caught up to eight. She put them in a little jar and waited to show Chad when he came home from work before releasing them again.

...and away he goes...

On one of my days off, the week that Chad's Marketstar job ended and just before his job at the base began, we were able to make a trip to the zoo. It was a lot of fun. Warning: Lauren looks like a kid in these pictures..no more little girl. Where did the time go?

As is our little tradition, after we get done visiting all the animals, we get ice cream right at the top of the hill by the new cat exhibit. And, oh my gosh was it hot that day! The ice cream has become my favorite part of the whole zoo experince these past two years.

Evan really really loves his ice cream.

The way we figure it, the family that shares their Ice Cream together..stays together...

We had a lot of fun that day.

There is so much updating that I need to do. I am not sure if I will ever have the time to fully write down all that has been happening these past months. I mostly want to say thank you to every one..and am a lucky girl to have the family and friends I do have. I wake up every morning with graditude in my heart. I am greatful for all lifes trials that challenge me and all lifes gifts that bless me. I know that as long as I have Chad by my side and my kids have their health and active imaginations, I will always be on the right side of happiness.

Time Capsule

2010-06-23T09:57:00.000-07:00

When I was in the 5th grade at good ol' Oquirrah Hills Elementry school, we made a time capsule. I am not sure what turned my thoughts to that time capsule last night, but I couldn't help but wonder if future little 5th graders actually opened and looked at our time capsule. I can't even remember what it is I put in there to define who I was at the age of 11. Most likely it was something like a New Kids on the Block poster or maybe a picture of Chad Allen ("pre-coming out of the closet") or Kurt Cammeron. What ever it was, I am sure it was very indicative of the '80s.

It got me wondering what I would put into a time capsule now. What defines me in the year of 2010? I wonder what I want the future to know about this time in my life. I could put in my name tag from McGrath's, but that is not who I am. I could tuck into the capsule a poem that I wrote or a picture that I drew. However, again, that doesn't really define me. Because as much as I love to sketch and write, that really isn't who I am. And to tell you the truth, I am not sure I really know the person I am because I am always learning and growing. I am an ever changing work in progress. I hope I never really do get to a point where I say that I have learned enough, read enough, and explored enough. I hope I am always surprised by life.

While I was pondering this conundrum (I love that word), I heard Lauren and Evan giggling in the back yard. I heard their gentle voices trickle and splash around all the corners of the backyard. I saw their little legs run around chasing Radley, our dog. I felt the wind on my face and the sun on my cheeks. As Evan ran into my arms, I smelled the fregrence of childhood and summer melt off his hair, and I felt his strong child arms encircle my neck. Then I heard the brakes of our Mazda Tribute squeal announcing that Chad was home from work. I heard the excited proclamations of my children yelling "Daddy's home," as they ran to meet Chad as he walked through the door. His own personal welcoming committee. And I felt his lips on mine as he leaned in for a quick kiss.

Modernism would say that you shouldn't loose yourself in your family. You should keep your individuality. I am an individual. I have my own interests and ideas. But in that short ten minutes of time, I found myself. I was in the smile on Lauren's face and in the enthusiams of Evan's laugh. I was in the arms of my husband and I was in the strong beat that is the heart of this family of mine. For wherever they are, that is where I want to be.

So how do I bottle all of that and place it in a time capsule? You really can't. You can't take that kind of love and archive it. It is ment to be lived and felt every day. It's purpose is not for future generations to study and disect. It is for the here and now. I am not sure how long this life of dirty dipers and snotty noses..of princess dresses and Buzz Lightyear..of "Mommy can I sleep in your bed." and "I made you a picture." will last. But I know that I don't want to place it in a box and put it on a shelf. I want to drink it in and bask in it's glow as long as I can. These are the things that define me. I am a mother and a wife. I am a feeler and a romantic. I have good days and bad ones too. But everyday I am surrounded by the people that I love madly and I am filled to the brim with graditude.

Butterfly Kisses

2010-06-10T12:14:00.000-07:00

About a month or so ago, Chad and I got Lauren a live butterfly garden. It came in the mail with a little pop up home for your butterflys and two containers that held them in the larve stage. Lauren would wake up every morning to check on her butterflys. She watched with annicipation as the larve grow into catapillers. Soon we got to see those same catapillers construct their cocoons. It was really cool actually. Then finally, butterflys started to emerge from their cocoons. Lauren got to actually see one struggle out of one. Yesterday, about half of them were ready to be released. So we went to Buess Pond to let them free.

Hiking around the trails, trying to find the perfect place to release the butterflys.

This picture makes me think of Austin Powers! I can just hear Lauren saying. "I will only release this butterfly for ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS, muwa.hahaha!"

I love this picture of Evan! He cracks me up. I love the look he is giving Lauren! Like "what is she doing!?!"

After we release the last of the butterflys, we walked around Buess Pond for a while.

It was a great day. And to top it all off, it started to rain, and I love the rain.

I love my super cute family.