Monday, September 29, 2008

Funny Girl Part 2

The other day at dinner, Lauren announced "Mommy, if I had a secert, I would tell you. But I don't have a secret. So I can't tell you." We thought that that was funny, but then a couple minutes later she proclaimed. "Ouhh, I have a secret Mommy!" Then she whispered in my ear "Mommy I love you". I then whispered back, "Lauren I love you" She looked up at me and said, "Silly Mommy, thats no secret!" Ha ha, silly girl!

Yesterday, Lauren was carring her purse around. She came up to me and said, "Mommy, do you want to see what I have in my purse?" She opened it up and it was empty. So I said "Oh Lauren, its so pretty. What is it?" She answered, "Its happiness and Laughter!" How cute!! Where does she come up with these things?

On the sweeter side-As we were driving to see Chad for lunch, and ambulance was coming up behind us. After it had passed and we were merging back onto the road Lauren said "Oh no mommy, that means someone is hurt. We need to pray for them." And then she said a little prayer. Did I teach her that? It was so sweet.

Some friends of my parents that I grew up with came by to visit Chad and I. They are both a little round in the middle section. Lauren was demure and quite through the whole visit, but as they were leaving she asked the wife "Do you have a baby in your tummy?" We all tryed to ignore it as they walked to their car, but Lauren didn't get her answer, so she said it louder-"Do you have a baby in your tummy?" Shhh, Lauren not now! Still no answer, so she ran out of the house and at the top of her lungs yelled "DO YOU HAVE A BABY IN YOUR TUMMY." I thought that they would never get in their car!! She may not have had a baby in her tummy, but I definalty looked like I had a sunburn!

She says the funniest things in the most honest way. I love my Lauren.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

The Power of a Song

Music can touch your soul, make you cry, make you smile, and transport you in time. Everytime I hear Dido's "Best Day of my Life" I am taken back to dating Chad. I heard it on the radio on the way to his house. We went to the Santa Monica Pier and Third Street that day. It was magical. When ever it comes on the radio, I am transported to that time, that feeling. All the sudden I feel the wonder of new love all over again. Certin songs remind me of certin people. I took a trip to St. George when I was 16 with a friend of mine. It was the first time that I got to go on a weekend get-a-way all by myself. On the radio was Greenday's "I hope you had the time of your life.." song. It had just come out so we heard it at least 20 times on our 6 hour drive. And then when I found out that I was having a baby girl, Martina McBrides "My daughter's eyes" was playing in the background. To this day I can't listen to that song without tearing up. Simon and Garfunkles "Bridge Over Troubled Water's" will always conjour my father's face. He use to play it all the time on the piano when I was a little girl. I told him once that it made me think of him. Then when I was at the airport on my way to Russia as a young 18 year old, he sliped me a homemade CD. On it was just one song, "Bridge Over Troubled Waters." That CD got me through some hard times in that cold country. Listening to it made me feel like I was safe at home. When a crazy man held what appeared to be a homemad bomb to the head of Howard W Hunter at a BYU fireside, it was the power of a song that stunned the perpetrador to pause in his tracks. (We thank thee of God for a Prophet). I had sung the song "I see the Moon" to my kids since they were born. The first night that I held them in the hospital. I wanted them to know right away that I was blessed to have them. Now when Lauren gets scared, hurt, or if she is sick, she will tell me to sing the "Moon song" as she calls it. She asked me to sing it to her tonight. When I was done, she wraped her skinny little arms around my neck and said "I love you too mommy". The Power of a Song. What could a simple little song do. It could unite a nation, save a life, make you fall in love, and let a little girl know that she is cherished.

"I see the Moon and the moon sees me, the moon sees who I hope to see"

"God bless the moon and God bless me, and God bless the one who I hope to see"

"God sent you from up above, and he gave you for me to love" (Lauren as a baby)

"He pick you from all the rest"

"because he know I would love you the best"

I love you Lauren and Evan. I will tell you every day in every way advalible to me to express to you how much I love you. In a soft embrace when you fall, and a gentle hand to dry your tears. In an afternoon of cloud watching, and a night full of books. In every moment I dedicate to you, and yes, in a song on my lips. You are my angels. You give meaning to my life and stress to my days. I love you two more then words and music can express. I have no talent for singing, but you two are the most beautiful music I have ever created.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I for one and shocked!! And he seemed so masculine too. Huh.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

More Dinosaurs.

Today we went to the Dinosaur Park up Ogden Canyon with Chad's mom, his sister Traci and Traci's little boy Carter. It was a lot of fun. It was a perfect day for it. Again, Evan loved the dinosaurs and Lauren loved playing with her cousin. Evan went right to sleep after we got home. All Lauren has done is lay on the couch, and I feel like I could go to sleep right now if I allowed myself too. I guess that is the mark of a really fun day, if you come home just exhusted. See, I am getting older!! We got some cute pictures I think. But trying to get a 3 year old, 2 year old, and a little 1 year old to all look at the camera at the same time is near impossible. But even still, I think that they look cute.
Lauren and Carter run up and down the slid for I don't know how long. They would come down laughing. Lauren yelling "Again" and Carter declaring "I got shocked". It was very cute. I keep thinking how it just takes so little to keep them entertained, but as I was thinking that, I also thought that there is nothing ealse I want to be doing. So I guess that I am easily entertained as well. (Lauren coming down the slid, Carter is right behind, and Grandma Nancy playing catcher).
Evan loves the swings and I love his smiles. After maybe 10 min, Evan started to nod off in the swing. It was cute.
Grandma Nancy and Lauren taking a load off after walking around all afternoon. Lauren loves her grandma so much.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Happy Birthday to me...

My birthday is on the 23rd of this month. I am not going to admit exactly how old I am. I am just old enough to decide that I am no longer going to say my real age to people. I will be perpetually in my twenties. Ahh, twenty-something, I will always love you. Chad got work off because he was going to surprise me with a trip to either Vegas or Wendover. I didn't care which one. It would add up to a weekend all alone, so flip a coin, heads or tails-I'm a winner! Unfortunately, we couldn't find anyone to watch the kids. So instead, we spent the day together. We took our little family to the Dinosaur museum at Thanksgiving Point. And it must be said, that good times were had. I love spending time with my family. They are the best decision I have ever made in my life! My husband and my little babies. How could life get any better? I highly recommend taking your little ones there. Lauren and Evan loved it. I was most surprised by Evan. He couldn't get enough of the dinosaurs. I have tried giving that kid balls, cars, and anything else that screams boy, and he just didn't seem too excited. But when we were at the museum, the kid came to life. He was so excited. He would chatter in enthusiastic gibberish. And he never got tired of looking at bones and rocks! I think my kid is going to be a paleontologist. This is Lauren showing us how a dinosaur walks. She was stomping with as much force as her little teny tiny legs could muster! So cute.
Evan just loved looking at all the little fossils. It was fun for me to see just how happy and excited he got over them.
I love love love this picture. I feel like one of the best things about being a mom of more then one is the growing bond between your kids that you get to see. Lauren loves her little buddy and is always trying to protect and care for him. And Evan adores his sister!
I love Lauren's cheesey face she gives in pictures lately. It is just so, well, cheesey.
Chad and Lauren going on a dinosaur hunt.

Evan just being fasinated with yet an other dinosaur.
Isn't this a sweet one too! At first she was afraid of it. Once we showed her that it wasn't real and that it really wouldn't try and eat her, then she loved it. She would hug it and cuddle it like it was a big stuffed animal. She has the sweetest little heart.
Look at the boy cruise.
I love watching my family enjoy each other. I wouldn't trade today for all of the alone time in the world. Birthdays change for me the older I get, as well as holidays. My life is no longer all about me. I want to see delight in Lauren and Evan's eyes. To see life through there eyes as they are learning and discovering the world for the first time is the best birthday wish I could ask for.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Look how far we've made it.

We beat the odds together! I am so glad we didn't listen, just look at what we would be missin'. Hey someone should write that down. It would make a good song. No seriously. We did beat the odds together-Chad and I. So many cards were staked against us, and we are still fighting those who say that we shouldn't be together. But I have laughed harder, loved stronger, cryed freer, and felt safer then with anyone ealse ever. If you believe in soul mates, then that is the only way I can discribe Chad and I. We need each other and we support each other. We started out in love and have become more and more in love each passing year. I am not always the nicest, and best wife that I could be. But Chad makes me want to continue in the hopes of becoming the best wife in creation. We have fought against lack of family support, health, finances, and so many other obsticals. He is the only one for me. I will take all of the obsticals I can to be able to sleep next to him for the rest of my life. When you look at Lauren and Evan, then how can you argue the fact that we shouldn't be together. Those two are proff positive that Chad and I are perfect for each other.

And look how our family has grown! I love my family. The sight of them makes my heart hurt. I would never have believe it possible to love so much. To be blessed enough to have all that I do have, it almost doesn't see fair. Look at my little babies faces. To love Chad and have him love me seems like a gift enough. But our kind of love is the gift that keeps on giving. I was given two very speacial children. There is no one like them anywhere at all. There is a little bit of me, a little bit of Chad and a whole lot of love.

So people in Beverly Hills, keep your millions and your mansions. I don't want them. I have it all. Priceless love that can not be bought or sold. Just cherished. And I do. Every second of everyday.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

So I was at Wal-Mart about a month ago. (big surprise. I am there everyday. If you want to find me, you should check Wal-Mart!) Anyway, I ran into an old friend from high school! It was fun to see her. We exchanged numbers and did the whole "I'll call ya" thing. But we really did call and arrange a time to get together. It was fun! We went to the castle park with our kids. Her daughter Justine has almost the same personality as Lauren so they got along real well. We talked like no time has passed. Real good friends are hard to come by, so I am glad that we reconnected and I am hoping we will stay in touch.

Lauren and Justine. So cute.

A litte girl bonding time.

Ok, so I hate this picture of me, but it was really the only one that I had of all of us. Just a bad angle on my part. But this is of me (hello captin obvious), Lauren, Evan, my friend Corianne, her little girl Justine and her baby boy Orson. We had lots of fun. I so want to do it again.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

9-11 times 7!

It was six in the morning. The smell of orange blossoms and chlorine wafted into my open window. My mind was still engaged in a wonderful dream that involved a beach and a good book. All the sudden there was a piecing ringing noise on the beach. That didn't make sense. Slowly, the ringing noise grew louder as the beach grew fainter. Then I was there, in my bedroom in California. It was way too early for me to open my eyes. My skin burned from the peircing sun at the beach the day before, one more reminder that I was in reality. I was just going to let the caller hang up. After all who really calls at 6 in the morning, unless someone is either dead or dying. That did it; I shot out of my horizontal position like a bullet from a gun. As I reached for the phone, I ran my tired fingers through my knotted hair. My eyes still were not all the way open.
"Hello,” My voice was thick with sleep.
"Melissa, turn on the TV” my mom's voice was frantic. "Is it Israel?" I asked. Referring to my Dad's wayward crazy brother. "Just turn on the TV". While still in bed, I searched the blankets for the little black remote. I turned on the television just in time to see the second plane hit the trade center. My mind whirled. What kind of crazy movie am I watching? I flipped through the stations but all that they were showing was the burning building and the planes. Over and over again the planes. Then I watched in a stunned silence as the first building crumbled throwing grey dust and debris into the air. Am I really watching this? Is this really happening? I couldn't wrap my mind around the shocking scene.
That was 7 years ago. Just like a time warp, a blink of an eye, a whirlwind, it is now history. It is part of our past. But just like Pearl Harbor was to our grandparents, and the JFK assassination was to our parents, it will always and forever be a part of our generation. Defining this era. I remember a space shuttle fall out of the sky, and the Berlin Wall crumbling. And I will always remember where I was and what I was doing when the towers fell. I probably couldn’t forget even if I wanted to. And here we are seven years later in the mist of a great election, a historical one in many ways. We are alive to see an African American run for president as well as a mother of 5 running for vice president. In a society where most the time, I feel out of control. Bad economy, oil crisis, education reforms, ect..all I read about in the news is pigs wearing lipstick. Where did the unity go that 9-11 gave us? Democrat or Republican, does it matter? We are Americans. I will always stand tall when I see the flag, and I still cry when I hear a crowd singing the national anthem. I hope for our future and I believe that people are mostly good. I remember where I was on that fateful day, and I remember the lessons I learned. Despite the school yard tactics that the Presidential candidates are resorting too, I have faith in the American sprit. America is not just a nationality, it is a way of life and an outlook that no other nation can claim. I lived for a time outside the United States. And it just made me more proud of my nationality. I am a patriot threw and threw. No one can take away my American Dream. Not a terrorist flying a plane, and not a crazy messed up Presidental election. I am what makes America good. The dream of a better life and the oppertunities to achevie those dreams. I am American, and so proud of it.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Yesterday we celebrated Carter and Evan's birthdays. Evan's little cousin Carter turned two on Sept.1st and Evan's birthday is on the 12th of September. I am stunned that it has been a year since he was born. If anyone easle is surprised, then I am baffled. The time has truly flown by. I love him so much. It is amazing how your heart grows every time you have a baby. It doesn't really divide, it grows. He is the cutest little man that I have ever seen. Happy Birthday my little Buddy boy. I love you so much.

Traci and Kevin did a good job putting it all together. All we really had to do was show up. They picked the park, put up the decorations, ordered the pizza, and just about everything ealse. The exciting thing is this time next year, carter will have a little brother. Traci is pregnate! I love little new babies in our family. Espeacially when it isn't me getting up at 2:00 A.M to fed him and rock him back to sleep.

Kari, John and Shari, Rylee, and Samantha.

Everyone (except Chad) watching carter open up his gifts. I am lucky to have Chad's family. I feel like they genuinly love me. Not like an in-law, but like family. I love his sisters, and in my heart I call them my own sisters. They have shown that there is no such thing as in-law when you talk about them.

Kari is such a good auntie. And the best presant of the whole night is the one that Kari and James gave us. Kari just announced that she has a little baby cooking in her tummy. As good as an auntie as she is, I know that she will be an even better mommy. Congradulations Kari! I am more excited for you then I can even tell you.

It was a great night. The only thing missing was James, Ryan Brittny and Jaden, and Billy. We miss them when they are not here and rejoice when they can come home and see them again. We love you guys and can't wait to see you again.

Friday, September 5, 2008

I love blogging!!

I love blogging. Everyday my little babies do things that make me smile. Normally, I would just think "oh thats cute" and file it away in my brain as a touching thing that they did. But because of blogging, I run to grab my camera to doccument the little things they do. It makes me see and apperciate the normal, everyday, typical, moments that make you go "Ahhh". My favorite is when Lauren will spontaniously start to play with Evan. She jumped into Evan's crib when he woke up from a nap to play with him. To make it real fun, I throw Radley into the mix. I just sat back and watched my little family. The musical sound of their laughter harmonizing. It really was so percious. I made them. I can't get over that amazingly ordinary miracle. Babies are born everyday, and yet I am stunned everytime I look at Lauren and Evan.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

I found my answers

Again with my mom. Ahhh! But actually this is good. For years now I have been praying that I would be able to have a family dinner with my mom, brother and sisters as well as my husband and little kids. It seems like a reasonalbe request. Something that I think that most take for granted. I yearn to walk into my mom's house "just because" with Evan on my hip and Lauren trailing behind me and Chad holding open the door for me. I use to imagine Evan's first birthday, Lauren's baptism, and verious other milestones in my children's life. The thought that my mom, the woman who gave me life, would not be there, would just tear me up inside. She wasn't there when Lauren turned one,or when Evan was born, and she won't be there when Evan dives into his birthday cake for the first time in his life either. Sobs would actuallly rake through my body at the idea of all the lost time in the past as well as the future. Naturally, ever the book reader that I am, I turned to the written word to try and make heads or tails of our topsy-turvy relationship. The first book I came across soon after I lost contact with my mom was East, Pray, Love.

I can't really tell you what about the book helped me deal with my mom. I guess, there is a part in the book where she desperatly wants to talk to her ex-husband. She wants closure, the finally conversation they never were able to have. She realizes that she never will be able to. So she on her own released herself from any guilt or pain she was feeling and left it in the past. She no longer wanted that part of her life to continue to dictact the rest of her life. After reading that I knew that I had to start to let go. That knowledge and the action of it are two seperate things however. I don't want my mom to continue to have some kind of control over me.But you see, I still wanted her unconditional love and her approval. I started to realize that my longed for dream might just be that. I don't see how it would be possible to have birthdays, thanksgiving, Or Christmas with my mom and my family in that Normal-Rockwell-ish image in my mind. My prayers changed. I couldn't pray that we will end up in a christmas card like scene anymore. There is always the issue of free agency. No matter how much I desire it, my mom and my brother and sister still have their free agency. So instead I started to pray that I would understand why. I don't understand how a mother could turn her back on her child over a princible. How that princible is more important then the relationship. It just seemed to me like it went against anything that is maternal. Then a week after my prayers changed, I got a new book. sTori Telling.

I Know what your thinking. Seriously! sTori Telling? Come on. But I really like her reality show. I think I relate to the whole "my mom and I have no real relationship" aspect of the show. So for fun, I got her book. Again, I am a book reader and I love to read. As I was reading, I began to realize that my mom and her mom are the same person. (notwithstanding the billions of dollars) I felt a little releaved that there are other mothers out there like mine. I am not an isolated case. I use to think that there must be something wronge with me to have a mom, in essence, reject me. It is worse then the most unhealthy break-up from a guy. If your own mother rejects you then what does that say about you? If Tori Spelling could have a messed up relationship with her mom, then I could to. But there was still the not understanding part, and the irrational fear that Lauren and I would have a horrible mother-daughter relationship as well part to deal with. Then my Dad's wife bought me a book for my birthday. How to Hug a Porcupine: Dealilng with Toxic and Difficult to Love Personalities.

This book is bringing me some answers and understanding. It is like he took my mom as a case study for this book. I have had so many "Oh my gosh" moments while reading it. I understand now why I don't have uncondional love and acceptance from my mom. She can't give it. She uses it to control, as an inticement or reward for doing what she wants the way she wants it. I realized in reading this book that I grew up in that kind of enviorment. This hasn't happened in the last three years, it has been on going my whole life. I also know now that I will have a good relationship with my little girl. I feel like I understand and I accept it too. I feel at peace now. There is nothing I could have done to change this outcome except do it her way. And her way was to divorce my husband. There is nothing wronge with me, I am a good person, and I am in control of my life. It doesn't mean that I won't have hard days. I am sure that I will always hate mother's day and the month of April. I still might tear up every now and then when I see mothers and daughters shopping in the mall. But for now, understanding breeds a certin amount of peace. So, thank you Dr.Lund, Elizabeth Gilbert, and yes, even Tori Spelling. I have no given up on my "Norman Rockwell painting" scenerio, but it does not torment me anymore. I am happy with the little life and family I have created. Maybe it is with my kids and there kids where I will see my dream realized. I don't need answers now. Because I feel peace.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

No-Labor, Labor day.

While everyone ealse in Utah was boating or hiking, we were sleeping. While everyone ealse was roasting marshmellows or visiting with family, we were being lazy. Yes the good ol' Triplett tradion on Labor day did not go unobserved. We take our holiday very seriously. We try very hard to refrain from all types of Labor if at all possible on labor day. Its a personal choice. I think that we accomplished it very well. I am quit proud of our vast laziness. We did good I think. I read a book all day while Chad played is computer games. Lauren and Evan took turns playing, sleeping and whining. And as bed time for the babies came around, we were all surprised that all day long we didn't hardly move, except were nessisary. Oh it was a great slothful day.